I have a brain that is almost overly active. I can't stop thinking! I even tweak and make decisions in my dreams most of the time and think about them when I wake up. I can't sleep until I'm really tired at night because if I am even slightly awake I'll start thinking, and thinking at night can keep me up until about 3am some nights...
Another thing is that having quiet time and reading and writing gets hard for me. In quiet time I start to think and after a little while my mind isn't remotely on God anymore and I hate it! I have to fervently pray "God keep my mind on you" and concentrate deeply to be able to have an hour with God. And I wish that wasn't the case...
And books and things get hard to read for me. I think about the previous line, the next line, what's going to happen later, "that reminds me of that one time", etc. etc. and I have to re-read often because since I was thinking so much I can barely remember the line I just read. And writing! AGH! When I try to write I am CONSTANTLY thinking of other books, my blog, future and previous plot lines, and I even start thinking of just random things going on in my life. I think about life and my future and my purpose when trying to write a single line.
When I was younger I couldn't seem to get a grip on my mind at times, and at times now I still can't. I don't know how other peoples brains work and so I don't know if I'm normal or not really... But I had/have a hard time controlling my mind at times. For example I will think of somebody riding a bike or twirling, and I picture it in my head. And I think of them spinning and spinning then I think "Stop!" and they wont stop! They start spinning out f control and I can't get them to stop and I just keep thinking "stop, stop, stop, stop, stop!!!" After a while I can stop the spinning and control my mind a little more each day. And now I actually will do it for a sort of mental exercise. I start and stop the spinning to try to get my mind under control and even I think it's a weird thing to do but I often wonder if anybody else ever does it. I even do these "exercises" before something important to get a grip on my brain.
People tell me that my constantly active and creative brain is a gift. I think of it as a blessing and a curse. I can be inspired by everything and I'm always thinking. But this can also be a bad thing because I also need to be still and silent and be able to concentrate on things.
Right now I'm really trying to calm down my thoughts because I can't be still and listen during quiet time, or even concentrate for it some days! I have gotten a lot better at it but I still am not a master...So I do wonder if anybody reading this knows some ways that can help me. Anything is much appreciated!
Keeping the Faith,
C.A.M
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