Can You Hear It?

So I will betaking a break from the Love series today to write about something that has heavily been on my mind.

Chasing after your calling.

I will be the first one to admit here that I had been running away from what God had for me. In my life I was pretty much slapped in the face with the fact that I was running away. Why?

Fear of Man.

Fear of failure.

Fear of the unknown.

Issues of trust.

Self doubt.

Insecurity.

The list just keeps going on.

I came to the wake up call a little while ago, and again just the other day. The first time I realized that I was running away completely.

I have known since a young age, and had it confirmed several times, that I was to be a writer, speaker, counselor, role model, and leader. But I had come against the negativity of the world so many times that I had practically given up on it and wanted to pursue something else, something that would not be doubted or mocked. Strangers and close friends alike told me outright and subtly that there was no way that I could be a writer. "It does not make money." "Your grammar sucks too much." "You are just making your calling 'great' out of pride." "You just want to be a writer so that you can stay home all day and do whatever you want, wasting your life!"

I was used to these comments most of my life. Despite the fact that writing was my passion I was told it was impossible. I slowly started to believe everything that was told to me. After all, I was not in college like other people or working a steady job. "I must be a washed up looser... Maybe my calling is something different! I should pursue something else!"

My year at the Honor Academy helped me come to the re-realization that it was my calling and I needed to pursue it whole heartedly! I wanted to stay another year there, but I got the thumbs down from God and went home instead.

Once I got home I looked into colleges and programs instead.

I was in California visiting some friends when, with many tears, I realized that I was just using these things, although good things, to run away! When I went from there to Texas I got a word from a trusted friend that confirmed my feelings. "You know what you are supposed to do, stop running away from it! Run towards it and do not walk!" This struck my entire being!

Once I was home I was walking towards it... Not running... Just the other day I realized that slowly I was becoming dead inside, losing who I really was. Something needed to change and I am starting again with a new outlook. RUN.

Isaiah 40:31 (b)

"They will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not grow faint."

I want to be a runner, a marathon runner! Boldly striving for what I am supposed to do! Because my dream of being a best selling author may seem big to everyone else, but to God it seems small! I made the image for this post my background so that I can be daily reminded of it, I suggest that if you need a background for your computer you make it an encouraging verse and change it every now and then..

So I want to take time to just encourage you.

Whatever your dream is, whatever you think your calling may be, it is so small compared to what God has and do not let anyone, ANYONE, including your friends, family, strangers, the Enemy, and yourself, say that it is impossible! Because all things are possible through Christ Jesus who gives you strength! (Philippians 4:13)

Your "Calling" is just a fancy way of saying "what God is asking you to do", you have the free will to choose it, but you also have it as your "destiny". Go after what you think it is, and if the plan changes then God will tell you and point you to the right way. But do not waste time sitting around asking if it really is or not, just do it and the information will come when it needs to.

Another thing is that when you are at your low point, we all have them, that is when the Enemy strikes!

"Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." (1 Peter 5:8)

I was just in the jaw of the lion... I was hopeless, joyless, insecure, and depressed. I was being eaten slowly. But through the Grace of God, the strength and love, I was able to escape. (Praise the Lamb!)

So be alert and choose joy in all circumstances! Do not let your guard down and keep your armor on! Because like Daniel God will save you from the Lion.

"Submit to God, resist the Devil, and he will flee from you." (James 4:7)

Another thing. While you are chasing the dream and/or in the Lion Pit, the Enemy will try to convince you that the New Man you are in Christ is not the real you. This is a lie from the very pits of Hell! The new man is the real you! Do not ever forget or doubt that! You are a new creation, you are a child of the most high God, you are saved and forgiven, and you are not who you once were! There I times I need to say,

"I am the Child and servant and new creation of the I AM, that is who I am!"

Do not loose your identity in Christ.

Run and do not walk, keep on your armor, be alert, and stay joyful~!

"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)

This may be short, but that is what I wanted to write today. I pray that you take this to heart when you read it.

Refining the faith,

-C.A.M.

Partial Photo Credit: http://www.art.com/products/p13789733-sa-i2757472/bob-winsett-silhouette-of-woman-trail-running-co.htm

Bumps in the Night...(part 1?)

I want to start to get into my fears and struggles. I want this blog to encourage spiritual growth so I need to get over these things. And I ask that if anyone knows things to help me with these that they would PLEASE tell me them because I want as much insight as possible.

I'll start with the lesser fears and struggles and build myself up to the hardest ones...

The first thing that comes to mind when I think "what am I afraid of?" is my fear of darkness.

Most people are afraid of "the dark" from when they are little but grow out of it quickly. But "the dark" is only part of it for me. As previously said I'm afraid of "darkness" which is different than "the dark".

In my opinion The Dark is Genesis 1:5 when God created light and dark, morning and evening.

And there is also Darkness of faith and person like Psalm 82:5 and Proverbs 2:12-15 Walking in Darkness.

But I'm speaking more about Revelation 16:10 and Ephesians 6:11-12...

Some people have not experienced or do not believe in spiritual warfare. But I have. And I was a very little girl when it happened and because of my age it stuck with me more. I wont go into what all happened but I will say that my fear of "the dark" isn't that I can't see but what I'm afraid of seeing. I fear what happens at night and I fear Darkness.

In Frank Perettis Books Piercing the Darkness and This Present Darkness he talks about the Darkness I'm afraid of. In a part of the book it says that a person turned on the lights but it was still "dark".

There is a type of darkness that is it's own identity, not simply the absence of light. And it's something I wish nobody to ever have to experience.

I don't want this to be a extremely creepy post to scare people so don't think that. This blog is like a journal of my spiritual walk and I want to be open and honest in it is all.

Now I am trying to stick to 2 Timothy 1:7 and James 4:7

"For God did not give us a spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind."

"Submit to God, resist the Devil, and he will flee from you."

And if anyone knows any others please let me know them...

This is a fear that for lack of a better word traumatized me as a child so it makes it harder to get over it now. But because of this warfare I went through I grew as a Christian at a much earlier age than most people. I had to be strong and fight when I was 8-9 years old. (of course my parents and brother were the main force)

I had to understand spiritual warfare, gifts, and so on and it has made me grow tremendously but I still haven't fully shaken the fear of "the dark" I sleep every night with prayer, a nightlight and a fear of a blackout. And people tell me I don't need to be afraid constantly and I know I shouldn't but I am still going through this...

As the song "Have Your Way" by Britt Nicole says;

"you never said the road would be easy, but you said that you would never leave."

I know that God is with me and is protecting me and that things are still going to be hard... So I sometimes wonder why it is I still have this fear. I suppose it's because I still don't completely believe it even though I should.

Another thing that isn't helping is that I shared a room with my sister for so long that sleeping alone is difficult. Having somebody next to me or to talk to until I was sleepy helped me calm down and without that now I don't like being all alone in a room. I used to have a dog who kept me company and he was a blessing from God. But just about a week ago we had to put him down and now my room is completely empty...

But I think God is using this to help me grow instead of relying on earthly things to calm me. I think God wants me to fully rely on Him to protect me and give me peace. And when you are going through growth it's hard and it can hurt but it all helps you in the end.

I may write about this further at a later time but for now I'll leave it at that...

Please be praying and if you are going through a trying time as well know that it's to help you grow and you are not the only one!

Keeping the Faith,

C.A.M.