This may be true but....I also have not gotten as much as I could have...
Lately I feel like the Holy Spirit has convicted me of something that I have always struggled with. I have taken steps and made progress, but it still is effecting me. What is this hinderance?
Academics.
Too much of an earthly thing is always trouble, even if it was meant to be for good in the beginning. My whole life has always been dedicated to academics, school was pretty much an idol of mine. I constantly pushed myself and neglected my Creator because of it. Many people who know me know that I pushed and graduated High School 2 years early, this was not always a great achievement. It caused pride, judgment on others, and spiritual dryness. God gave me an opportunity to go through school and have plenty of time for Him, yet I abused this. I had hours and hours of free time after I finished school for the day yet I didn't spend it to draw close to Him. God later pretty much told me that all the plans I had built up for myself were...well..useless. Instead of College I took off a year, despite what other thought of it. And in turn I went to Alaska and then signed up for the HA.
I now look at all of it as a gift, though it was abused. After all, if I was still in school I would not have gone to the Honor Academy in the year I was meant to. The mistake I made was thinking that I had overcome my almost lust of learning and being the best. This is something that used to consume me and as obvious. But the more deadly form of it was inside of me, that is the unnoticeable bit, the bit of yeast that leavens the whole loaf (in other words). The small sins are the most deadly. As I went into my intern year this was inside of me. And recently God convicted me of this.
You can get college credit at the HA and it sounded like a good idea. Now this is not a bad thing in the least, it was how I handled it. I took on all the classes and I became stressed and irritated with people, and the worst part was that I focused on the classes more than dedicating my year to Christ! I was only thinking of classes and school, not my future with God or knowing Him more. I love the classes and they teach useful things, but they were consuming my life and spending time with God and building healthy relationships were last on my list... My eyes were opened to the type of person I had become and I know now that I need to stop before the last months of my intern year are up.
So I have decided to drop at least one, if not more, electives. I love them, but if they are going to effect my relationship with God I know I need to drop them. This next semester I am going to try to focus on God and Relationships instead of planning my future in every way. God once spoke to me saying "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own"(Matthew 6:33-34) This verse has more than one meaning that I though it did. God wants me to work hard in what I do and strive for Him, but also to not worry and plan every little detail of my life. He has plans for me. "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11) And I can plan all I want but I'm sure that, once again, God will dash them all away. And it will be a better plan in the end but I can save so much time and trouble by seeking Him and letting Him lead then wandering aimlessly. And once I let go of my plans, again, more is being revealed to me each day! I cannot wait to see what's in store!
No longer have I forgotten the seed God planted inside of me, and the joy and peace I feel when I'm with Him. My passion is being refueled and my focus is narrowing in on the eternal! This new year will be the best of my life, I know it! And I can effect it and make the most out of it by simply focusing on God and the Kingdom instead of my learning and being a scholar!
I hope to make 2011 the year of a second chance, of refocusing, and of making Christ the only Lord of my heart! It's time to toss aside the College books and grab the Bible!
Keeping the Faith,
C.A.M
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