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| From the first of many adventures to come (I certainly hope) |
To my Future Husband,
Hey there. I suppose we haven't met yet, but I am so excited to meet you. I have no doubt in my mind that you are an amazing person, that suits me in every way. That we share the same passions for music, worship, service, art, animals, and nerdy things. But I still haven't met you. I've had dreams about you since I was younger, and I know that you are out there somewhere, but I just don't know where quite yet. And I have no doubt in my mind that I will know just who you are when we do meet.
I imagine what it would be like to have someone like you in my life, and it makes me so happy already. Just the thought of being with you someday brings me so much joy. But, is it possible to miss a person you've never met? There are days when I wish you were here with me already. The days that I'm crying, discouraged, or afraid, and just need my best friend and companion to be by my side. I also wonder if you ever think about me. If I look anything like you thought I would, and if you'll know me when we meet. There are so many things that I don't know yet, but there are a few that I know for sure.
I know that you are probably a better person than I have ever imagined. That God is going to go beyond my expectations when it come to you. That you will be the most caring and loving person, and that I will be drawn to you in more ways than one. That you'll have the Fruit of the Spirit, and the aspects of Love. That you'll be a spiritual leader and protecter, someone I can look up to and proudly call "My Husband" and "The Head of the house". That you will respect me more than other men in my life have, and in turn I'll be able to submit whole heartedly to you out of love and respect. And that no matter how hard things may get, you will be there for me in laughter and in tears.
The hard thing is that, right now, I'm still not with you. I try to be patient, knowing that it's going to pay off. I'm not going after any other man who I know isn't you. I'm not going to settle or give away my heart to someone else because I can't hold on a bit longer. But I am sad. I do miss a person that I've never met. And I'm trying not to be discouraged in the meantime. Regardless, I'm going to be strong. Because I know that patience will pay off in the end. "So now I'll patiently wait, until you come my way." And I'm going to do the best that I can to become a Woman of God who can stand by your side.
-C.A.M
I'm being open and transparent right now, because I feel that it's important. I get scared. When people talk about how the world may end tomorrow, and that we all may be dead in a couple months because of the latest scare, I get scared. I try so hard to not fear death, that it has no victory or sting. (1 Cor. 15:55) And I do want Christ to come back for his Bride, and to be with Him eternally. I don't have issues with His return, but when people focus more on the terror and tragedy of the last days than the coming of Christ, I get scared. People tell me all the time that I shouldn't be, as if I should feel loathsome because I'm not as welcoming for death as others. But isn't it easy to welcome death and Heaven when you're old, married, have children, maybe even grandchildren, and have already lived out your life? When you're a 20 year old girl who hasn't met God's match for her, hasn't traveled anywhere yet, and feels like there's so much to accomplish and hope for, it's not so easy. When people tell me that being married or having kids isn't as important in the eternal perspective of things, I get sad. I've spent hours of my life weeping because people told me that the world would end soon. Because while they saw it as "Finally, we can go Home", my mind went to, "I won't be able to get married or have children in my lifetime." And that's a painful thing to think! It's easy to say that it doesn't matter in the long run when you're already married with children. But what about the perspective of young people who hear about how life is going to end in a few months? It's difficult not to be discouraged. "Why even bother working to get that plane ticket to travel, if the world ends soon anyways?"
I'm still working through those emotions. But God is helping me through them, and teaching me peace and patience. I know that the person that is perfect for me is still out there. I want to at least meet him before the clock on this earth starts ticking away faster. And the words of others start getting twisted in my mind to form types of lies to keep me down and depressed. "Why even bother working to get that plane ticket to travel, if the world ends soon anyways?" Those words have echoed in my mind for the past week especially, and also throughout my life. Why should I try to go for the dreams that God placed in my heart during my quiet moment with Him, if everything is going to end? But I came to realize something.
God wouldn't have placed those dreams in my heart just to hurt me because they're impossible.
The dreams, hopes, and goals that are imbedded into your being, from before you were born, are there for a reason. Not to taunt you, or give you something unobtainable. What purpose would He have for that? God loves you, and He loves me, why would He want to hurt us by giving us a dream only to make it impossible? Sometimes people will tell me, "Those dreams of traveling, marriage, and becoming a writer are all just fleshly, and you should let go of them!" Because my dream wasn't to go to a third world country and become a full time missionary, does that mean it's not from God? I struggled with that so much for years! I kept asking God, "What is it you REALLY want me to do?" Until He just told me, "Why are you asking that? You already know what it is, and you have for years." I was trying to get "the right" goals and dreams, but I already had them tailor made for me. We each have a purpose different from others, and are called for different things and have different gifts. (1 Cor. 7:20, Romans 12:3-8)
Also, there is nothing wrong with hoping for a godly companion, as long as those emotions don't consume or control you. It doesn't mean you love God or Christ any less, because it was built into us from the beginning. We are the Bride of Christ, but Jesus isn't our physical or earthly husband, no matter what your Facebook may say. But once again, you just can't let your want for a human companion overwhelm you or get out of hand, but don't rebuke those feelings like they shouldn't be there. If you ask God to take away the want for a Mate that He designed into you, the answer is no. You can however take control of those emotions and not let them take over.
So what am I really trying to get at here with all this talk about the things that I want, ie. to travel and have someone I love in my life? God is teaching me not to be afraid of the future or what may happen. Regardless of what happens in the world of politics, God is true to his word. (Num. 23:19) If He tells you He is going to do something, or have you do something, you better believe that it's going to happen. And it takes Faith in Him to know that God is going to do what He said He's going to do. It's not just my future that I'm spewing about, but yours too! Whatever He placed in your heart will happen, and it will probably happen in an even greater way than you imagined! It is so easy to let the words of others or the lies of the Enemy to tell you otherwise. That, "You won't amount to anything and your dreams will all die, life is just pointless." Those are simply lies to get you away from Gods Divine plan for your life.
As I write this I'm trying to get my heart to fully understand what my mind already knows. That there is no need to worry about out life because God is taking care of us. (Matthew 6: 25-34) He will take us Home when it's our time, so don't worry about things being "cut short" or "wasting you life because it doesn't matter in the end". Because the World is like our internship or bootcamp before Heaven, and there's nothing wrong in trying to make the most of your life and having it count for eternity. There's a difference between loving the World and wanting to make in impact for Christ in the World. It's not about wanting things to last because the world is so much better than Heaven or being with Christ, it's about wanting to do something for the Kingdom before you go there. I see absolutely nothing wrong with doing that. My greatest worry is that I won't have time to impact as many souls as possible before I leave the Earth, but God is working on me when it comes to that. He will take me when it's time, and I need to have peace about that.
What does that mean for now? To me it means Make the most out of the time you have been given, without worrying when that time will end. I'm not saying we shouldn't prepare ourselves for the Return of Christ, but that we should already be living in a way that honor God, that isn't dependent on when the plagues will be here. Each day should be lived in such a way that we will have no regrets when it's over, and I mean that it the spiritual sense not in the YOLO sense. The way to prepare is by reading the Word of God and spending time with Him daily and using your gifts to expand the Kingdom of Heaven. "Preparation" should just be daily life of quiet times and moments with God, and fulfilling the plans He has for you.
God wants you to have a good life. We are allowed to enjoy life. It is alright for us to prosper. God wants us to have a good life. I know some people say that this verse is "taken out of context", but I can't completely agree. Because when God speaks to His people, and we are drafted in as His people, I don't like it when people read those blessings and promises and say, "It's not for me". You are Gods child, you can have blessings and promises too.
"'For I know that plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come pray to me, and I will listen to you.'" Jeremiah 29:11-12
If you don't think that's a good verse to use, then there is this one as well.
"The thief comes only the steal, kill, and destroy; I have come that you may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10
You can also use the phrase, "Abundant life". Which is defined by being "Plentiful, Abounding with, rich with-" It means that when you are saved, Christ is also giving you an abundant life, because now you truly are alive. Wealth and power aren't everything, now in the slightest. But guess what, God wants you to be happy! We are called to be content with what we are given, (Heb. 13:5) and that to know God is the have joy (Psalm 16:11) . Instead of being afraid of a terrible life full of fear, regret, and no worth, be happy in the knowledge that God wants you to have an abundant life. That you were made with a reason, and you can accomplish that reason. I've been so afraid that I won't get to do anything before leaving this Earth, but I am starting it fully realize that it isn't true. God will use me, if I let Him, and I will have a good life. And instead of worrying about what may happen tomorrow, I just need to focus on the tasks I have been given and charge forward.
Do I still hope to meet my future husband? Yes. Do I still want to travel and write? Yes. But if I commit those things to God I don't need to freak out about if they will really happen or not! (Proverbs 16:2-4) I need to trust that what is supposed to happen will happen, and when I give things to God He will make them work out in the proper way. (Proverbs 3:5-6) I find peace and assurance in the Bible and in Prayer and Worship, and if I can focus on that, things will be alright.
I hope this jumbled post of my thoughts made sense. Even better, I hope that God used my insecurities and struggles to help you work through your own. As a young adult I understand the pressure and stress of "doing something great", I get it! But I learned that I need to take a breather (inhale-exhale, inhale-exhale) and just rest in the knowledge that God has it covered. If I put my Faith in Him, He is going to take care of me. This isn't supposed to be a discouraging post to make you worry about the future, but something to reassure you that it's going to be okay, more than okay. That my fears, and those were only a few of them, were calmed by God. And that your fears can be put to rest as well, once you lay down the burden and just let you Abba Father take care of you. (Psalm 55:22)
Refining the Faith,
-C.A.M
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