The Pursuit of Happiness

From the first of many adventures to come (I certainly hope)

To my Future Husband,

Hey there. I suppose we haven't met yet, but I am so excited to meet you. I have no doubt in my mind that you are an amazing person, that suits me in every way. That we share the same passions for music, worship, service, art, animals, and nerdy things. But I still haven't met you. I've had dreams about you since I was younger, and I know that you are out there somewhere, but I just don't know where quite yet. And I have no doubt in my mind that I will know just who you are when we do meet.

I imagine what it would be like to have someone like you in my life, and it makes me so happy already. Just the thought of being with you someday brings me so much joy. But, is it possible to miss a person you've never met? There are days when I wish you were here with me already. The days that I'm crying, discouraged, or afraid, and just need my best friend and companion to be by my side. I also wonder if you ever think about me. If I look anything like you thought I would, and if you'll know me when we meet. There are so many things that I don't know yet, but there are a few that I know for sure.

I know that you are probably a better person than I have ever imagined. That God is going to go beyond my expectations when it come to you. That you will be the most caring and loving person, and that I will be drawn to you in more ways than one. That you'll have the Fruit of the Spirit, and the aspects of Love. That you'll be a spiritual leader and protecter, someone I can look up to and proudly call "My Husband" and "The Head of the house". That you will respect me more than other men in my life have, and in turn I'll be able to submit whole heartedly to you out of love and respect. And that no matter how hard things may get, you will be there for me in laughter and in tears.

The hard thing is that, right now, I'm still not with you. I try to be patient, knowing that it's going to pay off. I'm not going after any other man who I know isn't you. I'm not going to settle or give away my heart to someone else because I can't hold on a bit longer. But I am sad. I do miss a person that I've never met. And I'm trying not to be discouraged in the meantime. Regardless, I'm going to be strong. Because I know that patience will pay off in the end. "So now I'll patiently wait, until you come my way." And I'm going to do the best that I can to become a Woman of God who can stand by your side.

-C.A.M



I'm being open and transparent right now, because I feel that it's important. I get scared. When people talk about how the world may end tomorrow, and that we all may be dead in a couple months because of the latest scare, I get scared. I try so hard to not fear death, that it has no victory or sting. (1 Cor. 15:55) And I do want Christ to come back for his Bride, and to be with Him eternally. I don't have issues with His return, but when people focus more on the terror and tragedy of the last days than the coming of Christ, I get scared. People tell me all the time that I shouldn't be, as if I should feel loathsome because I'm not as welcoming for death as others. But isn't it easy to welcome death and Heaven when you're old, married, have children, maybe even grandchildren, and have already lived out your life? When you're a 20 year old girl who hasn't met God's match for her, hasn't traveled anywhere yet, and feels like there's so much to accomplish and hope for, it's not so easy. When people tell me that being married or having kids isn't as important in the eternal perspective of things, I get sad. I've spent hours of my life weeping because people told me that the world would end soon. Because while they saw it as "Finally, we can go Home", my mind went to, "I won't be able to get married or have children in my lifetime." And that's a painful thing to think! It's easy to say that it doesn't matter in the long run when you're already married with children. But what about the perspective of young people who hear about how life is going to end in a few months? It's difficult not to be discouraged. "Why even bother working to get that plane ticket to travel, if the world ends soon anyways?"

I'm still working through those emotions. But God is helping me through them, and teaching me peace and patience. I know that the person that is perfect for me is still out there. I want to at least meet him before the clock on this earth starts ticking away faster. And the words of others start getting twisted in my mind to form types of lies to keep me down and depressed. "Why even bother working to get that plane ticket to travel, if the world ends soon anyways?" Those words have echoed in my mind for the past week especially, and also throughout my life. Why should I try to go for the dreams that God placed in my heart during my quiet moment with Him, if everything is going to end? But I came to realize something.

God wouldn't have placed those dreams in my heart just to hurt me because they're impossible.
The dreams, hopes, and goals that are imbedded into your being, from before you were born, are there for a reason. Not to taunt you, or give you something unobtainable. What purpose would He have for that? God loves you, and He loves me, why would He want to hurt us by giving us a dream only to make it impossible? Sometimes people will tell me, "Those dreams of traveling, marriage, and becoming a writer are all just fleshly, and you should let go of them!" Because my dream wasn't to go to a third world country and become a full time missionary, does that mean it's not from God? I struggled with that so much for years! I kept asking God, "What is it you REALLY want me to do?" Until He just told me, "Why are you asking that? You already know what it is, and you have for years." I was trying to get "the right" goals and dreams, but I already had them tailor made for me. We each have a purpose different from others, and are called for different things and have different gifts. (1 Cor. 7:20, Romans 12:3-8)
Also, there is nothing wrong with hoping for a godly companion, as long as those emotions don't consume or control you. It doesn't mean you love God or Christ any less, because it was built into us from the beginning. We are the Bride of Christ, but Jesus isn't our physical or earthly husband, no matter what your Facebook may say. But once again, you just can't let your want for a human companion overwhelm you or get out of hand, but don't rebuke those feelings like they shouldn't be there. If you ask God to take away the want for a Mate that He designed into you, the answer is no. You can however take control of those emotions and not let them take over.

So what am I really trying to get at here with all this talk about the things that I want, ie. to travel and have someone I love in my life? God is teaching me not to be afraid of the future or what may happen. Regardless of what happens in the world of politics, God is true to his word. (Num. 23:19) If He tells you He is going to do something, or have you do something, you better believe that it's going to happen. And it takes Faith in Him to know that God is going to do what He said He's going to do. It's not just my future that I'm spewing about, but yours too! Whatever He placed in your heart will happen, and it will probably happen in an even greater way than you imagined! It is so easy to let the words of others or the lies of the Enemy to tell you otherwise. That, "You won't amount to anything and your dreams will all die, life is just pointless." Those are simply lies to get you away from Gods Divine plan for your life.
As I write this I'm trying to get my heart to fully understand what my mind already knows. That there is no need to worry about out life because God is taking care of us. (Matthew 6: 25-34) He will take us Home when it's our time, so don't worry about things being "cut short" or "wasting you life because it doesn't matter in the end". Because the World is like our internship or bootcamp before Heaven, and there's nothing wrong in trying to make the most of your life and having it count for eternity. There's a difference between loving the World and wanting to make in impact for Christ in the World. It's not about wanting things to last because the world is so much better than Heaven or being with Christ, it's about wanting to do something for the Kingdom before you go there. I see absolutely nothing wrong with doing that. My greatest worry is that I won't have time to impact as many souls as possible before I leave the Earth, but God is working on me when it comes to that. He will take me when it's time, and I need to have peace about that.

What does that mean for now? To me it means Make the most out of the time you have been given, without worrying when that time will end. I'm not saying we shouldn't prepare ourselves for the Return of Christ, but that we should already be living in a way that honor God, that isn't dependent on when the plagues will be here. Each day should be lived in such a way that we will have no regrets when it's over, and I mean that it the spiritual sense not in the YOLO sense. The way to prepare is by reading the Word of God and spending time with Him daily and using your gifts to expand the Kingdom of Heaven. "Preparation" should just be daily life of quiet times and moments with God, and fulfilling the plans He has for you.

God wants you to have a good life. We are allowed to enjoy life. It is alright for us to prosper. God wants us to have a good life. I know some people say that this verse is "taken out of context", but I can't completely agree. Because when God speaks to His people, and we are drafted in as His people, I don't like it when people read those blessings and promises and say, "It's not for me". You are Gods child, you can have blessings and promises too.

"'For I know that plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come pray to me, and I will listen to you.'" Jeremiah 29:11-12

If you don't think that's a good verse to use, then there is this one as well.

"The thief comes only the steal, kill, and destroy; I have come that you may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10

You can also use the phrase, "Abundant life". Which is defined by being "Plentiful, Abounding with, rich with-" It means that when you are saved, Christ is also giving you an abundant life, because now you truly are alive. Wealth and power aren't everything, now in the slightest. But guess what, God wants you to be happy! We are called to be content with what we are given, (Heb. 13:5) and that to know God is the have joy (Psalm 16:11) . Instead of being afraid of a terrible life full of fear, regret, and no worth, be happy in the knowledge that God wants you to have an abundant life. That you were made with a reason, and you can accomplish that reason. I've been so afraid that I won't get to do anything before leaving this Earth, but I am starting it fully realize that it isn't true. God will use me, if I let Him, and I will have a good life. And instead of worrying about what may happen tomorrow, I just need to focus on the tasks I have been given and charge forward.
Do I still hope to meet my future husband? Yes. Do I still want to travel and write? Yes. But if I commit those things to God I don't need to freak out about if they will really happen or not! (Proverbs 16:2-4) I need to trust that what is supposed to happen will happen, and when I give things to God He will make them work out in the proper way. (Proverbs 3:5-6) I find peace and assurance in the Bible and in Prayer and Worship, and if I can focus on that, things will be alright.

I hope this jumbled post of my thoughts made sense. Even better, I hope that God used my insecurities and struggles to help you work through your own. As a young adult I understand the pressure and stress of "doing something great", I get it! But I learned that I need to take a breather (inhale-exhale, inhale-exhale) and just rest in the knowledge that God has it covered. If I put my Faith in Him, He is going to take care of me. This isn't supposed to be a discouraging post to make you worry about the future, but something to reassure you that it's going to be okay, more than okay. That my fears, and those were only a few of them, were calmed by God. And that your fears can be put to rest as well, once you lay down the burden and just let you Abba Father take care of you. (Psalm 55:22)


Refining the Faith,
-C.A.M

Fight the Good Fight

Our battle is against the Invisible world around us - unseen by our physical eyes

Wow, it's been too long since I wrote in this blog. I'll be honest and say that I've neglected keeping up with it, and favored other projects of mine instead. But after a long internal battle, that took several months out of my year, I'm back to my old self and ready to learn and share again! I may write a separate post altogether about what happened to me recently that caused both heartache and growth, but for now I wanted to speak my mind on something that's been stirring in my heart.

 After watching The Hobbit, and subsequently having a Lord of the Rings marathon, I thought a lot about War. Specifically "Spiritual Warfare", as a lot of Christians like to say. I've been taking a course at my Church lately about Spiritual affairs for Women, more or less. And you learn that it's not exactly the right phrase because the War was already won on the Cross (Thank you, Lord Jesus!) and what we do now is more "Spiritual Maintenance" or "Upkeep" than anything. We aren't trying to win a War, because it's already been won. But even though the enemy has been defeated, there are still daily battles that we encounter, from the soldiers from the other side and also our own flesh. (1 Cor. 15:55-57)

I suppose it's difficult to phrase it the way I want in text, but what I mean is that while we are still fighting the enemy today, the Enemy has already been defeated. We are still fighting battles, but the War is already decided. We have the benefit of fighting an Enemy that has already lost. So, there is nothing to fear. What we need to do now is fight for our Salvation, to strive to be more like Christ, our Rabbi, and to fight for others who cannot fight for themselves. If the War was already won, why should we even have to fight? Because we still live on the Earth, which is under Satan's rule. When you are inside of the Enemies camp, doesn't it make sense that you will have skirmishes with them? After all, we are not of this world (John 17:16). And until the day that Christ comes back we are "holding the fort" in ways, against the Principalities, Powers, and Spiritual Forces of the Heavenly Realms. (Eph. 6:12)

I hope I haven't confused you by any of this introduction, but my main point is that we are doing battle with powers not of this world, that is still a fact. But we have a God who is infinitely more powerful than them, and Christ is already the victor. Yet, until He comes back, we are still in the Enemies Land, and need to set captives free (Isa. 61:1) and continue to work out our Salvation (Phil. 2:12). It should be obvious that Satan and those with him aren't fond of us doing that. So when we are attacked, or those we care for are attacked, we need to be prepared to fight back. Now I can get to the main point that has been on my mind.

Put on the FULL Armor of God.

"Finally, be strong in The Lord and in His mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take a stand against the devil's schemes." Ephesians 6:10-11 (NIV)

This verse sums up what I was saying before. We put on the armor so that we can "take a stand against the devil's schemes". He schemes are summed up very simply, he wants to kill, steal, and destroy. (John 10:10) To steal your heart's response to God, to destroy your salvation, to keep you spiritually dead and numb, steal your talents and God given gifts, and to overall ruin your life (spiritual as well as physical) to get to your Abba Daddy, and hurt Him that way. Something that Christians need to take to heart and fully realize is that Satan hates you, and everything about you. There is no good in him, there is no "grey area", he hates Humans because we are in the image of God, and he hates The Body of Christ especially! It is not a battle that can be won peacefully where the Enemy will change their mind about you and decide to leave you alone out of the kindness of their heart. They want you dead in every possible way, so you are taking a stand against that and saying "No, I am alive in Christ, and You cannot steal my Joy, or my response to God." We submit to God, and resist the Devil, and then he will flee from you. (James 4:7)

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." Ephesians 6:12 (NIV)

Let's get this straight. We are not battling people who are Gay, our President, the people who bullied us in school, that mean neighbor that we have, the protesters that come outside of events and churches, or anyone else who is Flesh or Blood! Instead of posting things on Facebook all day, we need to be praying, fasting, and reading the Word of God to fight against the REAL enemy, not the distractions of this world. (Luke 6:32-36) God loved us while we were Sinners, and we are called to love others as He loves us, so shouldn't we love Non-Believers as well? (John 13:34-35, Romans 5:8) If we can't love people who are "perfect" or who "believe everything we do" and "act the right way", how does that make us any different than other people? Instead of focusing your hatred of Sin on other people, focus it in your Spiritual life, and fight the battle there. Instead of fighting the captives, shouldn't we fight the captors instead, and strive to set them free? The photo at the top is from my trip to Seattle, and the prayer I did there was against the unseen Enemy that was all around me. Our battle is in cities and towns, but not necessarily against the people who live there. 

"Therefore, put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand." Ephesians 6:13 (NIV)

The Message version says, "So that when it's all over but the shouting you'll still be on your feet."
If you want to last in battle you need to be prepared and protected, otherwise you won't last very long. You want to withstand as long as you possibly can, and for every piece of armor you neglect, you will last that much shorter. The Word doesn't say, "Put on some of the armor. The pieces that aren't too heavy, that are easy to keep with you, and don't inconvenience your day. Even if you just have one piece, you'll be fine." It says "FULL armor" for a reason, because every piece of The Armor of God is necessary.

"Stand firm then, with the Belt of Truth buckled around your waist, with the Breastplate of Righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from The Gospel of Peace. In addition to all of this, take up the Shield of Faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the Helmet of Salvation and the Sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God." Ephesians 6:14-17

As you read The Word, you realize that many aspects that we are called to have are repeated in several different ways. The Fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22-23), Aspects of Love (1 Cor. 13:1-13), and Armor of God share a lot of qualities. Truth, peace, righteousness, faith, etc. They must be important if they are mentioned over and over again.
We should have Truth wrapped around us and fastened tight. Righteousness should be right at the front, protecting our Heart. We should have the Gospel of Peace at our feet (Romans 10:15/Isaiah 52:7), walking in it and spreading it wherever we go. Faith is our guard against the Arrows/Darts and Lies of the enemy. We have Faith out before they can even get to the rest of our Armor, because if you have strong Faith they cannot even reach you. We have Salvation covering our Heads, as if an anointing that protects us. (Eccl. 9:8, Matt. 6:17) If protects our thoughts and is always on our Mind. Finally, we fight with the Sword that is of the Spirit. A Bible, as in the book that is full of paper and bound together, doesn't look to dangerous in the Physical world. But in the Spiritual world it is a dangerous weapon that can be used against Enemies in that realm, and helps aid Angels and Servants of The Lord as well. (Heb. 4:12)  It is the most powerful weapon that we own, which is why Believers around the world are so desperate to have it, and memorize it so that they can always have it. Because the Bible is more than just a physical item, it's the Words that are powerful, not the paper. It should be in our minds, on our lips, written on our heart, and at our fingertips, safety off, and ready to use. (Josh. 1:8, Psalm 119:1, Deut. 11:18, Psalm 40:8)

Notice something else, there is no "Back-piece" listed. Why don't we protect our backs, if everything else is covered?
1. Because The Body of Christ should watch each other's backs. (1 Cor. 12:25)
2. Foremost, because God is our Rearguard. (Isaiah 58:8)

Some people say it is because we are to never flee, that we are to always be fighting and that is why our back is open. As if God didn't protect our backs to "teach us a lesson". In actuality, we need to take rest from battle. A benefit of being in a Body of Believers is that there are many of us. In an Army people takes shifts when fighting or standing guard/watch, and rest between fights. If even God rested on the seventh day, who are we to think that we never need rest?
God is our Rearguard, so that when we need to recharge and rest from the Battle, He is keeping us safe from the enemy. Our back is never really "open", it is just protected in a way that we don't "activate" because it is always guarded. If we don't take time to work on ourselves, we will get burnt out. Many ministries fail because the people in them never take time for their own souls, to rest in the Lord and find peace for a while in the midst of a battle. (Matt. 11:28-30, 2 Thess. 3:16, Eccl. 3:1-13, Psalm 62:5)
But we also cannot spend the whole battle resting. We have armor for a reason. Soldiers have armor to fight. Why would we need Armor if we weren't Soldiers? (2 Tim. 2:3)  We need to learn balance between fighting and resting. We are called to "Fight the good fight" (1 Tim. 6:12, 2 Tim. 4:7), so why don't we get to it?

"And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all of The Lords people. Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the Gospel." Ephesians 6:18-19

I really dislike the phrase, "Put down your sword and love and pray for people instead". Why would we need to drop our weapons to pray for others? I would think that we should keep The Sword of the Spirit close when praying for others. That is what "Spiritual Warfare" really is, it's protecting ourself and fighting for ourself and others. We should never surrender our weapons or armor, putting it down only makes us weaker, it doesn't make us more or less loving to others. We need to pick up our swords again, not lay them down. We are not timid, but powerful in Christ. (2 Tim. 1:7)

This verse is connected with The Armor of God. "And pray", "Also pray","Pray as well", not "instead of doing that, pray instead at times". "With this in mind", keep the fact that you need the FULL Armor on in mind while reading this verse. While you have on your Armor, pray for all occasions, for all kinds of prayers and requests, and for all people. This is the Battlefield. Pray for the Missionaries to be able to bring the Gospel to others, and pray for the Body to be strong. Pray for healing, blessings, peace, salvation, pray for everything. Out battle is not against Flesh and Blood, but there is still a battle. So dust off your Sword, equip yourself, and join the other Soldiers. We have Armor because we are Soldiers, not because we are bystanders.

Something clicked in me and I really understood what it meant to put on the Armor. It's not as much as a responsibility as it is an Honor to fight for Our King and Savior. You have to pick a side, and once you choose it's time to suit up. Take breaks at times to build your strength, but don't forget to use that strength. And pray continuously (1 Thess. 5:16-18) with The Word, and work out the dents in your Armor, making it stronger whenever you can, so you can fight more intense battles over time. Just as if you were in a physical war, prepare, study the enemy, learn their weaknesses, learn your own and work them out, and always report to the Commander.

I'm putting on my Armor now, because I am tired of sitting scared on the sidelines. What do you say? Will you put on yours as well? If so, I'll see you on the Battlefield.

Refining the Faith,
-C.A.M.