I recently borrowed and finished a book called "For Young Women Only" and in it I had at least this on revelation that they put in it. Most men want to be respected not loved. It said when interviewing and doing poles most men, especially as they get older, want respect from the people around them. (the book also said how to show respect) And it applies to your brother, father, friends, and the person you are dating or married to. And I'm still not positive on if I truly are respecting these people or not...
Now I'm not a feminazzi or anything but I do believe (as written in a previous post) that women are equal to men in certain areas, and so I don't want to be waving them with banana leaves because they are SO superior to poor females. But the main thing is how I phrase things that can sound disrespectful. I've been a sarcastic person most of my life and I think I have a "tone" problem, personally. I think something in my head that sounds respectful, reasonable, and then I say it and it comes out in a tone that suggests otherwise. And to most people "Okay, I'll do it" can come out very different when said in the wrong tone. I could Mean "Okay, I'll do it and I'm not complaining." But my Tone says "Okay, I'll do it! Please stop pestering me about it." And about 95% of the time this is an accident! Sometimes I'll even say that "I'm sorry it wasn't supposed to sound that way, I'm just ____ right now." And sometimes the more I add to defend it the worse I make things...
I'm not trying to sound like an innocent victim of people reading me wrong here. I will say that it is my fault that thing come out that way. And sometimes I really am being rude on purpose. There's no excuse for it and only one core reason, I am human! I mess up! But because I have Jesus and the Holy spirit living and working in me these are things I should work on more and more.
And in my last post I talked about how marriage is on my mind a lot these days. And when God says "Husband love your wife" he also says "Wife respect your husband"
There are more reasons to this but one that I read recently said that Love comes easy to women, hence the maternal instinct among other things, and that it's easy for men to know how to Respect. It doesn't really say for husbands to respect their wives or for the wife to love her husband. These things are easy (said FYWO) and come naturally to most men and women. God knows this and knows that we are built this way, but of course, he designed us this way for balance. And yes there are times when the wife doesn't love or the husband doesn't respect, but I would like to not focus on that right now.
Women go on and on about how God COMMANDS for their man to love them. And He does, but are we reading the part about us? About respect? Although I want to be married I know I have to work on my respect more before that's going to happen. And I am also working on it in other areas such as family, and friends. I get really upset with people sometimes, people who have God given authority over me as parents and older siblings and elders which could be considered older friends or just people you know who are above you in certain areas. I get really frustrated when I don't agree with them and I just bottle it up and vent later now. I got tired of my constant annoyance and lashing out to people who I should be respecting. BUT. I shouldn't be venting disrespectfully to other people. But right now I'm honestly not sure what I should do. What do I do when I'm upset? Something that takes it away but not in an unhealthy manner? Should I pray to God every time and just give it to Him? (RIght now I'm just typing the things going through my head...) I think so... People say "don't ever change" but I don't think they realize how many inside struggles I have going on that I am taking care of only with Gods grace, mercy and help. These problems are gnawing on me inside and I wish so much to just flush them out and be the strong woman of God I want people to see me as and to be able to inspire others to take care of these things as well!
SHowing respect in all the ways you can is a difficult thing and I just recently added a lot more cheese cloth to my brain filter is you get what I mean. The thing I used to just say go through a lot more speculation now but I know I have a ways to go still. I don't want to be cowering under people in fear but I want to be respectful of them. And I want to watch what I say and think "am I going to be respecting them if I say this?" but not be a suck up either. I walk a thin line with this, but who said the path God wants us to follow is a wide one?
-Keeping the Faith,
C.A.M
You have a right to your feelings, and the right to express them in relationships with people that are important to you (parents, friends, signif others, etc.) Just tell them about your "feeling" annoyed, upset, etc., and don't try to tell them what's "right or wrong" about their behavior, or that they "make" you ffel the way you do.
ReplyDeleteIt can also be helpful to try to figure out what values may be causing other people's behavior which annoys you. Sometimes valuing their sense of values helps lessen the irritation - other times it doesn't. That's my $0.02 Hope it helps.