This Is My Prayer in the Desert

There has been a song constantly on replay in my mind lately. After hearing it, I felt something stir up within me as if the song was meant to be played for me at this moment. If you don't know this song, I really recommend that you listen to it. The song is "Desert Song" by Hillsong United. I'm also going to post the lyrics because they are the most important part!

VERSE 1:
This is my prayer in the desert
When all thats within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

VERSE 2:
This is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flame

CHORUS:
I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

VERSE 3:
This is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on its way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise Ill stand

BRIDGE:
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

VERSE 4:
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favour and providence flow
I know Im filled to be emptied again
The seed Ive received I will sow

The season that I'm in right now is of trial. When my faith is being shaken, and even those around me seem to be faltering. When I say that Korea is going to happen, that the tuition will be paid a lot of people move to Plan B. Can you go next time? Can you do something else? Maybe it won't happen. Maybe it's not the right timing yet. While there are still strong people in my life encouraging me, there are those that make me feel nervous. I have to rely on God to be my strength, and not the words of other people. Because while the Church is a support system, your fellowship, and your family, they still aren't God. They aren't perfect. You cannot put all your trust and reliance on people, no matter hoy godly they are.

"Do not put your trust in princes, in human beings, who cannot save." -Psalm 146:3

"It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in humans." -Psalm 118:8

When I was a teenager I would read this verse as, "Don't trust people. Only trust God." But that isn't the point of the verse. (In my current opinion, that is.) I thought that not trusting anyone was the right thing to do, because I had trust issues at the time. But when I read the verse now I read it as, "Don't put all your faith, hope, and trust in humans. Don't rely on them alone to support and provide for you. Don't rely on the Government to provide for your needs. Put your trust in God because He is the mightiest. He is your Father and provider and the one you can fully lean on. He does not falter, hold grudges, fail, or lie. Why should you put your faith in Man, who is full of fault and imperfect, when you can place your faith in God, who is perfect?"

It's not so much about how terrible and untrustworthy people are, but about how perfect and powerful God is! How can we compare to Him? If you have a choice to go to the King for help, or go to a peasant, who would you choose? If you could ask someone for favor or for money, would you ask the poor man or the rich man? It seems like an obvious choice when you think about it. But since we can physically see the people in our life we are inclined to trust them first. While we, as the Body of Christ, are still to love, support, help, and provide for each other, we should be second, not first. God should always be #1 in everything. Because He is naturally the better choice. It's about convincing our mind that our invisible Father is more trustworthy and reliable than the humans we can see. I've had a hard time with that. I think, "How is this going to be possible? How can I get the money I need in a month?" But it's not really me getting the money, it's God. If I ask, "How can my omnipresent, omniscient, omnipotent, and eternal God get $10,000?" That would sound pretty ridiculous! God has provided for me in the past. Not to this amount and extent, yet, but He has! I paid off an internship that was about $8,000 over the course of a year. I went from nearly being financially dismissed to having it all paid off within a day! The funds came from people, but the provision was from God. I have to remind myself of that day, in the right way. Not in the, "Well, it took longer for less money last time!" kind of way. Instead I try to think of it as, "God came through before and He will now."

It's terrifying to have the fate of the next four years of your life being determined by one day. Making one deadline is what determines what I'll be doing the next few years, and maybe even the course of my life in general. It's terrifying. The important thing in this time is to have faith. Sometimes God will call you to a Nation. You'll suddenly have a deep love and appreciation for the culture and people of that Country. After that, all you want to do is go there, with all of your being. It's an unquenchable desire to be with those people, that only you can fully understand and comprehend.  Then He tells you to wait. You have to learn more about your ministry, yourself, and those people before you can go there. The timing isn't the same as yours most of the time, and you sit there every day in practical pain from the longing to leave. Yet you are called to wait.  Once that wait is over the joy is unexplainable and you cannot fully express it. It's the greatest feeling in the world to know that you are finally able to go. It's a struggle that can be over a month or several years, but it's worth it in the end. And when you know that you know it's time to go, God gives you the faith to know it's going to happen. What others say doesn't matter anymore and you are being led by faith and not by sight to your calling. Many things can come to cause you pain or discourage you, but it's your job to stay strong. It's beautiful, challenging, and amazing. I am realizing that I am blessed to be going through this refining process right now.

I have waited to apply to a College for about 4 years now. Good things come with time, right? (Sometimes I feel awkward starting College when I'm 20, but I need to not be ashamed or embarrassed about it.) Nothing felt right, so I gave it to God and chose to wait instead of randomly selecting a school and major. I finally found the place that seemed right, it was perfect, and I had peace about my choice. In fact, everyone did! I chose the major I wanted, and my passion for Korea and Design grows daily. I got my acceptance letter, and later that night I received a packet telling me how much money I needed. My joy was slowly being stolen and replaced with anxiety and fear. My face broke out with all kinds of acne, I felt tired, irate, my hair got oily, and I started to even feel a bit sick. The stress was getting to me in all the wrong ways, and I've been a mess these past couple weeks. But within the storm there's a calming, internal voice. I can feel the Spirit of God telling me, "Have peace. I will provide." I'm not perfect, so I will admit that some days I have utmost peace and others I freak out. In my spirit I know that God wants to provide and send me to this country. This is the first time that I have felt this for a Nation. I know that I know, it's just something placed within me that says: "THIS IS RIGHT." I have had so many opportunities that I turned down, and this is the first one that I felt God say, "Go ahead." Why would God place these things in my heart if He was going to take it away and say "Just kidding!" He placed these desires within me for a reason, and after years of waiting to leave the Country this is the time to do it.

God is also using this time to refine me. It's a phrase that I use a lot, hence the Blog title! To refine means to; "reduce to a pure state, remove by purifying, and to free from course, unsuitable, or immoral characteristics." And to be refined means "to become free from impurities." That sounds a lot like God, right? It's a deep emotional and spiritual process. All of your junk has to come to the surface so it can be removed. Before something can be properly used, it must be pure and clean. This preparation for Korea goes far beyond Visas and tuition payments, it's also Spiritual preparation. I have had Spiritual Warfare going on to the max! Issues I thought were long gone resurfaced so I could permanently defeat them. I'm emotionally, physically, and spiritually stretched to my limit. When I was in E.S.O.A.L they called it "Hitting B.A.R". B.A.R means "Burial and Resurrection." It's when your strength is gone and you can only go on by relying on the strength of God. You have died to yourself, and are resurrected with Christ. (Col. 3:1-4) 

I feel like I'm going through B.A.R again. I'm in battle, being refined in the fire, and feeling dry like I'm in the desert, as the song says. But it also says, "All of my life in every season. You are still God I have a reason to sing. I have a reason to worship." I woke up the other day and just looked in the mirror. I thought, "Wow. God made me. My voice and facial expressions. My body, soul, and spirit. He made everything around me, and everyone I know. I woke up today. I'm alive. I'm breathing. I'm healthy. Thank you so much God." He is still God, no matter what season I'm in. If it's the desert, the fire, the battle, or the soon to come harvest. He is still God. And he will help me through the tough parts to reap all I have sown. He is the God who provides and I can stand on that promise. It's so terrifying, exciting, and difficult in my life right now. Yet I will bring praise and no weapon, physical or spiritual, shall remain. I am a conquerer and co-heir with Christ, and that's amazing! And when God comes through and provides, I can tell everyone what He has done for me! I didn't get the money from the Government with grants or aid, but from God's provision. 

GOD is my scholarship fund. 

I hope that this inspires someone out there. I know how it feels to be scared, to feel dry and alone, and to be desperate. I understand that feeling. But I am growing each day in faith and trust in God. I am being refined and stretched for a reason. This difficult time is going to help not only myself, but others in the future. And I am glad that I am going through these tough times, because I will find God in the desert. It's when we have run out of earthly water than Heaven rains down what we need. 

Refining the faith, 

-C.A.M. 

Fair Weather Faith?

I really love the rain! When it rains I feel like everywhere that the water touches gets a fresh start. I love to stand in the rain, to play in the puddles, to smell the fresh water on the plants, and to hear that sound of water falling from the sky.
But, there are a lot of people who hate the rain! It surprised me to hear this, because when you really enjoy something you don't understand how someone could dislike it. The people who hate rain don't like being wet or cold, they don't like the streets being wet, getting their hair messed up, or the sound of rain hitting the house and streets. Because of this, they are upset when it rains.


I noticed that whenever Christians have an event, they rebuke rain in the name of Jesus, they want perfect, warm, weather! I've even seen people upset with God when it rains on the Church Picnic. "Why would God let it rain on us? This is an important event and we prayed for perfect weather all day! So why do we have to endure the rain!"


You can laugh at that, it is pretty funny after all, yet I look at this as a spiritual principle. Don't we do that in our lives?


When "Rain" or "Storms" come into our lives, we panic! We pray that God would make all hardship just go away! And if it doesn't, if we aren't happy 24/7, we blame God for "not taking care of us" or "not answering prayer!"
A lot of Christians have "Fair Weather Faith" these days.


If you look at birds in the springs and summer, they seem content. They play in the water, have little babies, and live their lives. But once they notice that it is getting cold, they will all fly away from that place to a warmer one. People get upset when their friends are like this. "Fair Weather Friends" who will be with you at parties and go to dinner when you are rich and happy, but when you owe rent on your house or have a family issues that it hurting you, they are suddenly unreachable.


We get so upset at people like this.
"How can you call me your friend if you won't even be with me during the hard times!"
We think that we would never abandon a friend in need! But have we considered that we are like a fickle bird in our faith?


It's easy to be a Christian when you are going to picnics, concerts, and everything in life is as happy as a fairy tale. But that's not the case all the time, is it?


Being a follower of Christ is hard. 


"Blessed are you when men hate you, and when they exclude you, and revile you, and cast out your name as evil, for the Son of Mans sake. Rejoice in that day and leap for joy! For indeed your reward is great in Heaven, for in like manner their fathers did to the Prophets."
Luke 6:22-23


Not only were the disciples during and after Christ's time on Earth persecuted and hated by others, but it has been that way since the days of Noah and the Prophets! Because of our faith our life is hard. Christianity is not a crutch for the weak, it is a commitment and life for the strong. For when we are weak, He makes us strong!


"Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
2 Corinthians 12:10


Paul is one of the figures that we all look up to, because he had such an amazing faith. He was not only willing to die for the Gospel, but he was willing to live for the Gospel! 
I think that it is easier to say "I would die for God", especially since most of us think that we will not, but to live through the abuse of others is harder than dying. Never did Christ say that it would be easy to follow him, he said that we would be hated and that we should rejoice in the persecution!


It may sound like a cliche, but it's true, that God doesn't make things easy, but He will help us through it. He won't stop the storms, because He knows when we need them, but he will be our shelter from the storm.


I feel that "Christians" will go to bible study and church, but once something hard happens their faith is shaken and they doubt if God even cares. But we live in a fallen world, and if we don't have an eternal perspective we see things that hurt or are hard as bad or terrible. We fly from our faith as soon as winter comes. 


The thing is that when winter comes in our faith, so to speak, we fly away from the place that we were in. We don't sit in the place that we were until spring comes again, but we try to leave to a "better place". But we miss out on the blessings and the growth and stay in the same place in our maturity because we wouldn't stick out the winter. God isn't asking us to die in the cold, because he is our shelter, but once we leave His shadow and protection things can only get worse for us.


I ask myself, and challenge you to ask the same, "Am I a Fair Weather Christian?"


Do I get mad at God when things are hard, or don't go my way? Do I leave my faith behind when something looks more appealing? Are my beliefs based on my happiness alone, and if I am not happy I leave them?


One of the songs that I sing to remind myself of this is "Have Your Way" by Britt Nicole. Because it is about the hard times, and that we should let God have His way during those times, and not our way.
God does give us blessed times, comfort us, and answer our prayer. But he sees the whole picture and knows what's best for us.


I think that it is important to know that being a Christian is difficult, but so much more rewarding. And when you leave during that hard times, you don't grow and you appreciate the warm times as much. We need to choose joy in all times, and trust God with our lives.


I could go on forever, but I want to make this shorter so that those who read this can pray and consider on their own.


Refining the Faith,
-C.A.M.

Not of this world...?

Hello people!

I wasn't sure what to write about at first on here but then I remembered that there has been something on my mind for a long time.

"Why is it Christians say Not of the World but try to get accepted by the world at the same time?"

One day I was thinking this because honestly I just don't understand this. In John 17:14-16 it says;

"I have given them your word. And the world hates them because they do not belong to the world, just as I do not belong to the world. I’m not asking you to take them out of the world, but to keep them safe from the evil one. They do not belong to this world any more than I do."

We are told time and time again that we are not of this world and because of that the world will not (and should not) accept us! If the world is accepting us then God is not. We put on out "Not of this World" T-shirts and go to a picket somewhere saying "Accept us as everyone else!" But I don't understand why...

Christians aren't meant to fit in with everyone else. Just like if an American went to China and started to say "Hey accept the way I live as equal your own even though I'm not even from here!" It doesn't make sense that people would just accept and alien and their ways and treat them just like everyone else because they are different.

Christians have always been different and we used to accept this and even love this and when people didn't accept us we were GLAD because then we knew we were doing something right! "To love the world is to hate God. And to love God is to hate the world." I stick to this as much as I can. And whoever it is you are loving is going to love you back! So therefore if the world is accepting you and loving you you are doing something wrong in my opinion.

I don't think it should make a difference if we are being picked on at school for having a bible or being shot because we have a bible. We should have the same faith regardless. As Americans who have a country founded on Christianity we think we should be free to continue to be that way and yes we do have freedom of religion yet are being singled out. In my opinion we AREN'T a religion! A real Christian is their lifestyle choice! We say "we aren't a religion" yet we ask to be treated as such... I find it all confusing :/

I'm not trying to say that if you ask for acceptance you are a horrible Christian and that God hates you because of it. I'm trying to say that if you are not accepted move on because you are not meant to be! Yes we should have freedom of speech (if you are an American that is) and "it isn't fair that we are singled out and don't get that freedom" But instead of fighting constantly for acceptance into this world we should be preparing ourselves for the place we are from and is our real home.

In that verse it also says "Keep them safe from the evil one." Instead of focusing on our politicians (and yeah I know you may consider them "evil ones") we need to be focusing on the real enemy. Our real enemy is sin, Satan, and demons. Yes Satan can use people to go against us. He can take a politician or a school principle or "bullies" and use them to make life harder for us. But when these things happen we should be like Daniel. When they said that he couldn't pray he opened up a window, stood in front of it, and prayed as loud as he possibly could! Sure we are going to be persecuted, God never said we wouldn't be, but we need to keep going on no matter what! There is going to be a time where wherever we go people are going to be hunting us down to die (for those who have read Revelation or seen "end time movies" you should already know this) We are going to be persecuted wherever and whenever! And in a much harsher way! We say we are ready for that but when your kid isn't allowed to read a bible verse aloud or gets failed for going against evolution you freak out and go to lengths to fix it so they can be equal to all the other kids. But what if your child is going to be around for the end times? Don't you think they deserve to know how to fight through the persecution? They can't think that being a Christian is an easy thing and that if somebody picks on them or something it'll all be fixed and they will never need to worry about it. Because things are just going to get harder and we all need to be prepared for this.

So to conclude all of this I just wanted to say that we don't need the acceptance of the world. We don't need them, they need us. And we should be fighting for God and our faith but that doesn't mean making a petition for us all to be equal in religion because we are not a religion.

That's all my rants for today :P

(And if anyone disagrees or wants to ask more about how I feel on this I'm not all knowing but I am willing to answer ^-^ )