Are Fat Shaming and Critical Christianity Similar?

It's been a long time since I've written on this blog. But I had a thought and I wanted to put it to paper, so to speak.

There have been many articles about "Fat Shaming" lately, and loving your body. Recently I've been going through quite a struggle when it comes to Church and certain aspects of Christianity. I believe in the Bible, I identify with Christ, the whole sha-bang. But the church as I see it is different to me now. Not all, certainly, but a pattern that I noticed. And what I noticed is that fat shaming and negativity in the church are very similar.


People defend themselves saying that they aren't shaming the person, they are concerned with their health. And maybe you are, but let's just make something clear that if you are telling a person they should be ashamed of themselves, are making fun of them, or making a person feel bad about who they are you are not "concerned for their health". Maybe you want them to live longer, be healthy, etc. But being healthy and fitting in with other peoples and the medias expectation of what "healthy" looks like are different. I am not a size 6 or under. I do, however, exercise for an hour a day, eat mostly raw fruits and vegetables, and take the stairs instead of the elevator whenever I can. I'm hygienic, I am in perfect health when I go in for checkups, and I am not considered "healthy" because I am not thin enough, to some people at least. Judging based on the outer appearance of a person without knowing what they are going through is wrong, period.

Let's shift to Christianity. When you tell a person that you are concerned for their spiritual health and are genuine, that's one thing. Telling a person that they are awful, sinful, will die and burn, and need to shape up and be more like you is different. Only God knows a persons heart (1 Samuel 16:7) and only that person understands what they are going through (1 Cor. 2:11).

Please don't disguise judgement as concern. 
If someone thinks I have an unhealthy eating and exercise lifestyle, they might recommend something to me as a concerned friend. It's my choice to accept it or not. If a person forces me to go on a diet, like some parents force their children to "to make them healthier", that's not really right in my opinion. I'm fine with suggestions and telling me maybe I should do this or that, as advice. But if a person insists I do it and tells me I'm terrible if I don't, it's hurtful.

Sometimes people are very aggressive about giving bibles and sermons out. I think it's right to offer to people, I think it's good. But forcing things on a person and ignoring their free will doesn't tend to lead down the right roads. (John 6:44) You can offer, you can be open for them at any time, but you cannot force someone to believe in something.

Don't pressure someone to do what you want in your timing to make you feel better. 

I've heard a lot of stories of people who post photos during their weight loss journey and are mocked cause it isn't fast enough. I know people who hate going to a gym cause people tease them when they go there. They say that they should exercise and be healthy, then mock those people when they try to change. Essentially it's a culture that you have to be fit to go to a gym, which makes no sense.

When a person goes to church and are not the "clean cut" looking people you want to see in the building... that's just.... ugh...
You want to be welcoming and say that anyone is welcome, that God loves you as you are and we are called to be the reflection of that love. Christ didn't come for the perfect, he didn't come to make a club or goodie-goodies that make fun of the "bad influences". He came because of love and for those who needed Him. (Romans 5:8, 1 John 4:10, 1 John 4:19, etc.) Judging a broken person in a church is like judging an overweight person at the gym. And also, they may not even be "overweight", maybe they look that way by your standards. Some people don't like tattooed and pierced people in their sanctuaries (the irony considering the meaning of "sanctuary") yet a lot of the people I know who dedicated their life to freeing sex slaves in Thailand and preaching have tattoos, piercings, and don't dress in the "proper way".

Don't tell someone to "fix" a problem and then mock them when they try. 

When a person who is considered overweight "messes up their diet" it's a big deal. When a thin person eats an unhealthy thing "they earned it, so it's okay". This is really unfair to judge a person based on their visible track record. Judging people differently when they eat the same food because of their appearance is not cool. Maybe I shouldn't have cause you know I'm on a diet, but me breaking my diet should not be twice as bad as a thin person breaking theirs.


Similarly, when a person who is "lost and struggling" may make a mistake it can be made a far bigger deal. A "you keep messing up" type of feeling is conveyed. Love keeps no records of wrongs, meaning that you don't keep track of what a person did last week to compare with today. (Isaiah 43:25, Heb. 8:12) We shouldn't be making a list of who messes up more, and who we should be more lenient on when they make a mistake. We are humans, we mess up, none of us are perfect. So when a new christian does something that hurts them and you get so upset and judge them, yet if a person you consider super holy does the same thing and you think "it's okay, it's just one small mistake" that's an issue to me. God is fair, and we should be too.


Don't set standard levels for people based on appearance. 




In both cases it's a journey. It isn't an instant transformation. I can't do one sit-up and eat a carrot and magically be thin. I also didn't say one prayer and my life became perfect and I never made any mistakes and all my past issues went away. Shame is never a good thing. Never. Shame is not of God either. It is not one of the aspects of love or fruits of the spirit. But not keeping records of wrong, not judging, being patient, being good, and love protects. (1 Cor. 13:4-7, Gal. 5:22-23)
In both cases, we should be protecting people. From what? From judgement from others, from pain and hurt and neglect and abuse. From being an outcast and feeling unwanted, ugly, or uncared for. Personal trainers should not tell a person they are doing bad when they are trying, they encourage them to keep trying and tell them how proud they are, they coach them and cheer them on. Christians should be the same way. We should be open to anyone coming into our lives and into churches. There should be no screening of appropriateness, if we should allow them to be around us, if they perfected themselves alone enough first.

What would the point of churches (or gyms) be if you had to do it all on your own until you felt perfect enough to come?
With no help, no support, not until you fit in. If I sound upset it's because I am. It's because I've met people who have been deeply wounded by the church, and I have too in the past. And I've seen people who suffer from self-loathing from their body, as I do.

I see the similarities of the self loathing I have when I sin, when I slip up, and when I eat a cupcake. I look around to see who caught me. I tell myself "don't you do that again!". I say that I made a mistake and I go into this spiral of self-hate because of something that, in retrospect, isn't a huge deal. I beat myself up when I tell a lie like I beat myself up when I skip "arm day".  Because it's the same dread.

Acceptance. 

I dread that if I'm overweight I won't be accepted by others as an equal. I dread being judged by those around me, and people I don't know, when I go about my daily life. I don't want someone to see my eating a cupcake 'cause I don't want to see the look on their face when I eat it. The "you didn't earn that, you can't do that, I'm better than you, I caught you being bad" face. I don't like to eat in public for this reason, and in fact I force myself to. I still have a hard time eating anything sweet or fried in public because I am so scared of judgement. I know I should love myself, I know that I am wonderfully made, I know that really I am beautiful (SoS 4:7, Psalm 139:14) I am made in the image of God, and I am "good". But I want so much for everyone else to think that about me too.

Now imagine feeling this way not only about your body, but who you are. You slip up, you get jealous or have a fit of rage. "Did anyone see me? Will they still be friends with me? I didn't go to church in a while, am I still welcome? Will they judge me and ask why I haven't come? Did I do something wrong? I should fix myself before going back. I need to seem on track with everyone else." It's like telling yourself you cannot join that Pilates class again until you do enough at home to be on the same page, when they point of it is to grow together.

Now, I understand that a lot of this is internal too. It's shaming and a struggle between yourself and that voice that says you aren't good enough. But what I'm saying is that it shouldn't be fueled by others. You have enough damage and judgement from yourself to fight, so do you need it from others too? Or should others support and help you, and tell you that you are wonderful not only when you're finished the journey but every step of the way as well. (1 Peter 4:8)

This is the final comparison I want to make.

Some people say that telling an "overweight" person to love themselves and that they are beautiful/handsome is bad because it promotes bad behavior and an unhealthy lifestyle. "We don't want our kids to look up to fat people, then they'll be fat too." (This is wrong in soooo many ways that I don't want to go into at the moment)

Ensuring a person that they are valuable isn't encouraging bad behavior. 
Listen. Telling someone that they are great and valuable and intelligent and worth listening to and that they can love them self isn't encouraging them to get worse, it's cheering them on to keep going. Loving a person helps them grow. If they are happy with who they are, why take that away? I'm sure they know they can improve in areas without being harassed.

In the same way, telling a person who is not a christian and who still has a lot of healing to do and spiritual development to continue that they are loved and they should value who they are isn't "encouraging sin". (Prov. 19:8) Saying, "you can do that all you want, nothing bad will happen" that is encouraging it. Saying "you are loved and valued no matter what", is being a loving person.

God loves us on our journey, and so we should love each other on it too. (John 13:34-35, Eph. 4:1-2)

We crave acceptance and expect judgement from others. It's harmful and we should not help grow these feelings in others.

So let me just say this, stop shaming people who don't look how you think they should, and please stop shaming 'sinners' because they do not act how you want. Let people into places when they want to change and be loving and helpful. Don't expect them to look exactly like you and act like you, because we are all unique.
And above all else, love people no matter who they are or what part of their journey they are on. (Matt. 22:36-40)

"The greatest of these is love" - 1 Corinthians 13:13 


-CAM

(I hope you could read this with an open mind. I'm not just pointing a finger saying everyone is bad, but I did notice a popular pattern. I'm also working on these things myself, so I write this not only for others but for me. I tend to be critical of myself and at times I wonder if it's because of the harsh churches that I attended growing up.)

Love is... Part 11

Photo From "View from wits end" (Credit in the corner)

Love Never Fails... 




The biggest part of love is that it does not fail, ever! The true, pure form of love never ends or fails. It's always there, and does not lose its potency. This hits home the most for me when I relate to the fact that God is love. God will never fail you. 


"The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying: 'I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness."
(Jeremiah 31:3)


This is one of my favorite verses, it defines who I am and my identity. "Everlasting Love" is a powerful phrase. It means that it is always at its full strength, it never began with something you did, and it will never end no matter what you do. It is infinite and it never fails. But the part that is convicting is that we are to love people in that way as well. To not have conditional love, where it started with them being good and ends with their mistake.


The most encouraging thing that I can think is that God is "Everlasting Love". Whenever I "mess up", "miss the mark", "sin", or "fall short", I become overwhelmed with guilt. Conviction that leads to repentance is a wonderful thing, but after you have repented guilt is purely from the Devil. When you feel guilty you run away from God, you are like the prodigal son who feels as if he cannot be his father's son again because he is so lowly. But God is that father who clothes his son and places a ring on his finger, he rejoices that his son came back, repented for what he did, and even though he is dirty he cleans him off and holds a feast.
This is Everlasting love. God sees every mistake you will make before and after you are "saved", and He still died for you. He knows that you will sin that day, but he still loves you. In will never end and it never started with a "good deed".


This is the type of love that never fails that we are expected to have as well. Not judging a person on their past, and to not lower our value or love for a person when they do something that hurts or disappoints us. You do not value a person on how they act or treat you, but you value them because the are a person.


The part after "love never fails" talks about how all the gifts people want to have will come to an end eventually, that they can all fail. But to be gifted with Love for others, that will never fail or go wrong.
I feel that most churches either push for gifts, or they will deny them completely. But the issue is that we want people to have prophecy, or the gift of tongues, and not the gift of love. The greatest gift of all the ones listed is love, it is the one that will not fail.


Instead of praying for tongues, maybe you should be praying harder for the gift of love. To grow in this area many hardships may come up to help your "love muscle" to grow.


I wanted to make this one short. If you just dwell on the principle in the Bible, and take another look at the past 10 parts, you can learn more for yourself than I can write down in a few days. So let's grow in love together, and grow in our knowledge of God's love as well.


Refining the faith,
-C.A.M. 

Love is... Part 10

Photo Credit: cute-pictures.blogspot

Love is... Always protecting, trusting, hoping, and preserving. 




So, we recently got through Valentines Day, the day that people either think is wonderful or horrible. I don't really agree with the way love is put forward for this, where men are required to give expensive gifts to women to prove that they care for them. Yet, it is a great time to reflect on the true nature of pure love. I focused on dwelling on God's love, it's eternal, unselfish, and unblemished. There's one more part of the Love series after this one, so let's make this a good one! 




Someone who "always protects, always trusts, always hopes, (and) always preserves" sounds like the ideal person! This is the love of God, this is the love that Christ showed us, and this is the love that the Holy Spirit empowers us to be able to show to others. "Agape" is the love in which the one giving it has no conditions and no expectations from loving the other person. This is the word used in Greek when describing God's love. It is pure, not sexual or romantic, and is simply caring for someone, no matter what they do or don't do. This is the love you show to your Enemies, and everyone else, not expecting them to love you back but loving them anyways. It's because of God's Agape that we are able to love Him.
"We love, because He first loved us." (1 John 4:19)


Let's try to just go through each part of this section, one by one. 




"Always Protects" 


To "Always protect" reminds me of a service man or a knight. The Police, EMTs, and Fire Men are there to protect the general public. They put others lives before their own and work hard to keep us safe and alive. They stand by, waiting for us to call on them. They are pretty much the closest thing we have to a superhero, but instead of a "Bat Signal" we call 911. I realize that they are not perfect, we all make mistakes, but they are people who live the life of "Always protect". 
The other thing I think of is a Knight, like the ones from our Childhood books. They fought monsters, fire breathing dragons, and rescued the town and the princess. In the books for the older audience they will probably die fighting. While the people mourn and honor them, they do not care that they died if it was to save another, and the only regret is that they are no longer alive to protect them. Knights of our dream land are "chivalrous", and little boys want to be like them!


At least, they used to. Being blunt here, but this is not a value that we are taught anymore. To open doors, ward off bad guys, and come to the rescue of women is not as important. Little boys like the guns and swords, but a lot of them think that the bad guy is cool! Most start watching MTV at a young age and want to be the "Player' when they grow up. These are the people who wound those around them, emotionally and physically. Men were created stronger to protect women, yet this is being lost. Now, women can also be noble and protect! They protect family and friends. I think that getting the value of protecting others at any cost needs to come back into the trends. 


"Regular" people don't die in battle and fight fires to protect, and this applies to those who do as well. We protect the feelings of others, their emotions. To love and protect people can be interfering when someone is being bullied. When you see someone being hurt, or who is potentially going to get hurt, you jump in and help them and protect them. In "modern times" we are able to do this more than we know. So, let's take a stand and protect those around us. 




"Always Trusts"


This one sounds very difficult to me, and probably to most people. To always trust? God, don't you know how much I have been hurt? How can I possibly trust people? To trust a person is extremely difficult for those of us who has been "burned" in the past. Example? One of the first times I did a "trust fall" they thought it would be funny to drop me on purpose...Onto the hard, rocky ground. I don't like trust falls anymore. But I had to do one recently with my roommates, and although it was hard it taught me a lesson. 


They caught me. Despite what happen years ago, they still caught me. Because we loved each other, and we did not want to see one another fall. To really love a person you need to trust them. Being suspicious, judgmental, or just thinking that they will let you down and have some sort of fault, drives a wedge in any relationship. It's a delicate balance, I think, because you both need to trust people, but do not rely on them to be perfect for you. Knowing a person has faults, and also not distrusting them for those faults. You love through mistakes and know we all make them, but still trust them. 


I know this may all sound confusing, but it's hard to put feelings into words. You also need to be a trustworthy person yourself, someone who is not back-stabbing, or sneaky, or that hides things from people. Trust and be trustable. 




"Always Hopes"


To always hope, in my opinion, is to see the light in every situation. It''s the opposite of despair. You are hopeful for the future, you have hope that things will get better in the most dire of times, and you hope the best for others as well. Love is about showing it to others, but it is also something internal. You always trust people and you always have hope. To be a hopeful, uplifting person draws people to you. Being an optimist makes people around you positive as well. 


When a person is in despair and you can give them hope, that is showing love to them. You make them see that things will get better, you tell them you are praying for them and hope for the best, and you want things to go in their best interests. And, to have hope, you trust God and love Him and believe in the love He has for you. 




"Always Preserves"


We preserve rain forests, trees, animal life, and human lives. We protect them so that we can preserve them. It's keeping something safe so that it is able to grow. Like a nursery for plants, or children for that matter! It is a safe place where they can mature. We should be a safe place that people can go to when they need to heal and can stay when they are tender and growing. This is more of a Maternal or Paternal instinct, when your parents want to keep you safe for your own good so that you can become a responsible and stable adult. 


God, as our Father, shows this aspect, as well as all of them of course. He wants to nurture us and help us grow. We should be this way towards others. Protecting them from harm, and helping them grow. It's shows love and value for a person when you care for their well being and development. 




I think that these are very important for love, and we all have our own definition for the words. This is my opinion on what these mean, and I hope that it can get your mind going on what you think of these. Just remember that God has all of these traits, in their perfect, pure forms, and so does Christ and the Holy Spirit. And every time that The Bible says to love another person, it means all of these things. Love is a deep feeling, and I am excited to be able to wrap this up with next times final word on Love.


For now, let's dwell on these and continue to grow in Agape.  


Refining the Faith, 
-C.A.M.

Not of this world...?

Hello people!

I wasn't sure what to write about at first on here but then I remembered that there has been something on my mind for a long time.

"Why is it Christians say Not of the World but try to get accepted by the world at the same time?"

One day I was thinking this because honestly I just don't understand this. In John 17:14-16 it says;

"I have given them your word. And the world hates them because they do not belong to the world, just as I do not belong to the world. I’m not asking you to take them out of the world, but to keep them safe from the evil one. They do not belong to this world any more than I do."

We are told time and time again that we are not of this world and because of that the world will not (and should not) accept us! If the world is accepting us then God is not. We put on out "Not of this World" T-shirts and go to a picket somewhere saying "Accept us as everyone else!" But I don't understand why...

Christians aren't meant to fit in with everyone else. Just like if an American went to China and started to say "Hey accept the way I live as equal your own even though I'm not even from here!" It doesn't make sense that people would just accept and alien and their ways and treat them just like everyone else because they are different.

Christians have always been different and we used to accept this and even love this and when people didn't accept us we were GLAD because then we knew we were doing something right! "To love the world is to hate God. And to love God is to hate the world." I stick to this as much as I can. And whoever it is you are loving is going to love you back! So therefore if the world is accepting you and loving you you are doing something wrong in my opinion.

I don't think it should make a difference if we are being picked on at school for having a bible or being shot because we have a bible. We should have the same faith regardless. As Americans who have a country founded on Christianity we think we should be free to continue to be that way and yes we do have freedom of religion yet are being singled out. In my opinion we AREN'T a religion! A real Christian is their lifestyle choice! We say "we aren't a religion" yet we ask to be treated as such... I find it all confusing :/

I'm not trying to say that if you ask for acceptance you are a horrible Christian and that God hates you because of it. I'm trying to say that if you are not accepted move on because you are not meant to be! Yes we should have freedom of speech (if you are an American that is) and "it isn't fair that we are singled out and don't get that freedom" But instead of fighting constantly for acceptance into this world we should be preparing ourselves for the place we are from and is our real home.

In that verse it also says "Keep them safe from the evil one." Instead of focusing on our politicians (and yeah I know you may consider them "evil ones") we need to be focusing on the real enemy. Our real enemy is sin, Satan, and demons. Yes Satan can use people to go against us. He can take a politician or a school principle or "bullies" and use them to make life harder for us. But when these things happen we should be like Daniel. When they said that he couldn't pray he opened up a window, stood in front of it, and prayed as loud as he possibly could! Sure we are going to be persecuted, God never said we wouldn't be, but we need to keep going on no matter what! There is going to be a time where wherever we go people are going to be hunting us down to die (for those who have read Revelation or seen "end time movies" you should already know this) We are going to be persecuted wherever and whenever! And in a much harsher way! We say we are ready for that but when your kid isn't allowed to read a bible verse aloud or gets failed for going against evolution you freak out and go to lengths to fix it so they can be equal to all the other kids. But what if your child is going to be around for the end times? Don't you think they deserve to know how to fight through the persecution? They can't think that being a Christian is an easy thing and that if somebody picks on them or something it'll all be fixed and they will never need to worry about it. Because things are just going to get harder and we all need to be prepared for this.

So to conclude all of this I just wanted to say that we don't need the acceptance of the world. We don't need them, they need us. And we should be fighting for God and our faith but that doesn't mean making a petition for us all to be equal in religion because we are not a religion.

That's all my rants for today :P

(And if anyone disagrees or wants to ask more about how I feel on this I'm not all knowing but I am willing to answer ^-^ )