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| Photo Credit: "TopYaps" |
We all have memory, it is an amazing function of the brain that we have been given. We can remember the things that we learn, the lyrics to songs, the names and faces of people, and many other things. The issue with memory is the bad memories. We can remember the pain of betrayal, the exact words said by a person who hurt you, we can essentially remember every "wrong" that has been done to us.
People say, "forgive and forget" a lot these days. I think that this is false in one way, and true in the other.
The false part: You really can not just "forget" something happened to you. The memory will be there, and the more hurtful it is the better you will remember it.
The true part: You can put the grudge out of your mind forever. While you can not loose the memory of what happened, yo can forget the anger and leave that behind. Essentially, "Forgive them for what they do, and forget about the anger you have and go on with life."
To "Not keep record of wrongs" is to forgive the wrongs. Let's put in in these terms.
Someone has committed various crimes against you. There is a long list of what they have done. When you forgive a person it is like you are "Not pressing charges" and essentially taking the crime off of the list. They still did it, and you still know and remember that they did, but the record of it has been cleared. (Yes, I know, I am not an expert in law.)
I have learned so much about forgiveness recently and I believe it has saved me in many ways. Something my Dad has told me a lot is that "Bitterness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."This is more true than you know.
When you hold bitterness and unforgiveness towards a person you hurt yourself more then you will ever hurt them. Whatever they did to you is being amplified and continued as you choose not to forgive them. Are they suffering from it? The answer is either "No" or "They lost your friendship and that hurt them". I will tell you now, I believe that eight out of ten times the answer is simply "no".
Unforgiveness gives a foothold for the Enemy in our lives. I know I have probably said this many times, but that is because it is true! You are letting your spirit be blocked, your relationship with God to be dampened, and you are being played like a fiddle by Satan to hurt other people and yourself! "Do not let the sun go down on your anger", should be a familiar verse to you by now. Forgiveness is weed killer to bitterness growing in out hearts.
Most likely you will have to forgive multiple times. When Jesus said, "Seventy times Seven", he meant it. This does not mean keep a list of "490", and write down each time you forgave that person, and once they hit "491" you no longer need to forgive them. Keeping track of how many times you forgave them is pretty much "Keeping record of wrongs". Whenever you think of what hurt or angered you, you forgive them again. Over and over, for the rest of your life! (Matthew 18:22)
We are to forgive just as God forgave us (Matthew 6:12-15)! If you think a persons "Wrong doing towards me" record is long towards you, think about how long your list would be to God. But since he is Love, he is willing to forget them all. Repeated offenses do not matter, he forgives over and over. Because to love a person is to forget about the times they hurt you, and move on.
I have many people that I forgive daily. I am not trying to make this a "sad story contest", but I want to testify about this. I have been hurt deeply by many people, and I am reminded of this many times. I forgave them once, but that was not "it". I said to God, "I forgive them", and I was angry again later. I did forgive them that time, but I needed to forgive them again. When you are continually forgiving people it becomes a habit, and a great one at that! Once you are forgiving people you notice bitterness quicker and are able to maintain good fruit and root out evil before it grows harder to pull out.
Something else I learned is that old things can come up when God wants you to deal with it. I was laying in bed during a Fasting Weekend, hoping for God to tell me my "Five Year Plan" for life. Instead, I got a list of people I needed to forgive, or forgive again, since Kindergarden! This was necessary because it was causing a blockage in my spiritual life and I could not move on until I cleared them out. Before we stop marking down wrong doings we need to go over past lists and erase them.
It is painful to go over past things that need to be forgiven, and we need Grace to be able to do this. The point is that people feel very loved when they realize that you are not embittered towards them for something they did. This can also cause the guilt in their life to disappear and you are helping not only yourself, but others.
The power of forgiving your friends and enemies is a wonderful quality. It is a way to draw people to Christ so that they can tell who you are "By your love". A great thing to do, that I am doing as well, is to just spend quiet time with God and simply ask Him to show you any unforgiveness in your heart. Then ask Him to help you forgive those things. It is a freeing thing to do and you can, at times, even physically feel burdens being lifted off of you.
And always remember the parable of the King who forgave the debts of the man, and try to not be the man who would not forgive the small things. (Matthew 18:23-35)
To love is to forgive, to not let yourself keep a list of all the things people have done to you, and to do it consistently to everyone.
Refining the Faith,
-C.A.M.
