Are Fat Shaming and Critical Christianity Similar?

It's been a long time since I've written on this blog. But I had a thought and I wanted to put it to paper, so to speak.

There have been many articles about "Fat Shaming" lately, and loving your body. Recently I've been going through quite a struggle when it comes to Church and certain aspects of Christianity. I believe in the Bible, I identify with Christ, the whole sha-bang. But the church as I see it is different to me now. Not all, certainly, but a pattern that I noticed. And what I noticed is that fat shaming and negativity in the church are very similar.


People defend themselves saying that they aren't shaming the person, they are concerned with their health. And maybe you are, but let's just make something clear that if you are telling a person they should be ashamed of themselves, are making fun of them, or making a person feel bad about who they are you are not "concerned for their health". Maybe you want them to live longer, be healthy, etc. But being healthy and fitting in with other peoples and the medias expectation of what "healthy" looks like are different. I am not a size 6 or under. I do, however, exercise for an hour a day, eat mostly raw fruits and vegetables, and take the stairs instead of the elevator whenever I can. I'm hygienic, I am in perfect health when I go in for checkups, and I am not considered "healthy" because I am not thin enough, to some people at least. Judging based on the outer appearance of a person without knowing what they are going through is wrong, period.

Let's shift to Christianity. When you tell a person that you are concerned for their spiritual health and are genuine, that's one thing. Telling a person that they are awful, sinful, will die and burn, and need to shape up and be more like you is different. Only God knows a persons heart (1 Samuel 16:7) and only that person understands what they are going through (1 Cor. 2:11).

Please don't disguise judgement as concern. 
If someone thinks I have an unhealthy eating and exercise lifestyle, they might recommend something to me as a concerned friend. It's my choice to accept it or not. If a person forces me to go on a diet, like some parents force their children to "to make them healthier", that's not really right in my opinion. I'm fine with suggestions and telling me maybe I should do this or that, as advice. But if a person insists I do it and tells me I'm terrible if I don't, it's hurtful.

Sometimes people are very aggressive about giving bibles and sermons out. I think it's right to offer to people, I think it's good. But forcing things on a person and ignoring their free will doesn't tend to lead down the right roads. (John 6:44) You can offer, you can be open for them at any time, but you cannot force someone to believe in something.

Don't pressure someone to do what you want in your timing to make you feel better. 

I've heard a lot of stories of people who post photos during their weight loss journey and are mocked cause it isn't fast enough. I know people who hate going to a gym cause people tease them when they go there. They say that they should exercise and be healthy, then mock those people when they try to change. Essentially it's a culture that you have to be fit to go to a gym, which makes no sense.

When a person goes to church and are not the "clean cut" looking people you want to see in the building... that's just.... ugh...
You want to be welcoming and say that anyone is welcome, that God loves you as you are and we are called to be the reflection of that love. Christ didn't come for the perfect, he didn't come to make a club or goodie-goodies that make fun of the "bad influences". He came because of love and for those who needed Him. (Romans 5:8, 1 John 4:10, 1 John 4:19, etc.) Judging a broken person in a church is like judging an overweight person at the gym. And also, they may not even be "overweight", maybe they look that way by your standards. Some people don't like tattooed and pierced people in their sanctuaries (the irony considering the meaning of "sanctuary") yet a lot of the people I know who dedicated their life to freeing sex slaves in Thailand and preaching have tattoos, piercings, and don't dress in the "proper way".

Don't tell someone to "fix" a problem and then mock them when they try. 

When a person who is considered overweight "messes up their diet" it's a big deal. When a thin person eats an unhealthy thing "they earned it, so it's okay". This is really unfair to judge a person based on their visible track record. Judging people differently when they eat the same food because of their appearance is not cool. Maybe I shouldn't have cause you know I'm on a diet, but me breaking my diet should not be twice as bad as a thin person breaking theirs.


Similarly, when a person who is "lost and struggling" may make a mistake it can be made a far bigger deal. A "you keep messing up" type of feeling is conveyed. Love keeps no records of wrongs, meaning that you don't keep track of what a person did last week to compare with today. (Isaiah 43:25, Heb. 8:12) We shouldn't be making a list of who messes up more, and who we should be more lenient on when they make a mistake. We are humans, we mess up, none of us are perfect. So when a new christian does something that hurts them and you get so upset and judge them, yet if a person you consider super holy does the same thing and you think "it's okay, it's just one small mistake" that's an issue to me. God is fair, and we should be too.


Don't set standard levels for people based on appearance. 




In both cases it's a journey. It isn't an instant transformation. I can't do one sit-up and eat a carrot and magically be thin. I also didn't say one prayer and my life became perfect and I never made any mistakes and all my past issues went away. Shame is never a good thing. Never. Shame is not of God either. It is not one of the aspects of love or fruits of the spirit. But not keeping records of wrong, not judging, being patient, being good, and love protects. (1 Cor. 13:4-7, Gal. 5:22-23)
In both cases, we should be protecting people. From what? From judgement from others, from pain and hurt and neglect and abuse. From being an outcast and feeling unwanted, ugly, or uncared for. Personal trainers should not tell a person they are doing bad when they are trying, they encourage them to keep trying and tell them how proud they are, they coach them and cheer them on. Christians should be the same way. We should be open to anyone coming into our lives and into churches. There should be no screening of appropriateness, if we should allow them to be around us, if they perfected themselves alone enough first.

What would the point of churches (or gyms) be if you had to do it all on your own until you felt perfect enough to come?
With no help, no support, not until you fit in. If I sound upset it's because I am. It's because I've met people who have been deeply wounded by the church, and I have too in the past. And I've seen people who suffer from self-loathing from their body, as I do.

I see the similarities of the self loathing I have when I sin, when I slip up, and when I eat a cupcake. I look around to see who caught me. I tell myself "don't you do that again!". I say that I made a mistake and I go into this spiral of self-hate because of something that, in retrospect, isn't a huge deal. I beat myself up when I tell a lie like I beat myself up when I skip "arm day".  Because it's the same dread.

Acceptance. 

I dread that if I'm overweight I won't be accepted by others as an equal. I dread being judged by those around me, and people I don't know, when I go about my daily life. I don't want someone to see my eating a cupcake 'cause I don't want to see the look on their face when I eat it. The "you didn't earn that, you can't do that, I'm better than you, I caught you being bad" face. I don't like to eat in public for this reason, and in fact I force myself to. I still have a hard time eating anything sweet or fried in public because I am so scared of judgement. I know I should love myself, I know that I am wonderfully made, I know that really I am beautiful (SoS 4:7, Psalm 139:14) I am made in the image of God, and I am "good". But I want so much for everyone else to think that about me too.

Now imagine feeling this way not only about your body, but who you are. You slip up, you get jealous or have a fit of rage. "Did anyone see me? Will they still be friends with me? I didn't go to church in a while, am I still welcome? Will they judge me and ask why I haven't come? Did I do something wrong? I should fix myself before going back. I need to seem on track with everyone else." It's like telling yourself you cannot join that Pilates class again until you do enough at home to be on the same page, when they point of it is to grow together.

Now, I understand that a lot of this is internal too. It's shaming and a struggle between yourself and that voice that says you aren't good enough. But what I'm saying is that it shouldn't be fueled by others. You have enough damage and judgement from yourself to fight, so do you need it from others too? Or should others support and help you, and tell you that you are wonderful not only when you're finished the journey but every step of the way as well. (1 Peter 4:8)

This is the final comparison I want to make.

Some people say that telling an "overweight" person to love themselves and that they are beautiful/handsome is bad because it promotes bad behavior and an unhealthy lifestyle. "We don't want our kids to look up to fat people, then they'll be fat too." (This is wrong in soooo many ways that I don't want to go into at the moment)

Ensuring a person that they are valuable isn't encouraging bad behavior. 
Listen. Telling someone that they are great and valuable and intelligent and worth listening to and that they can love them self isn't encouraging them to get worse, it's cheering them on to keep going. Loving a person helps them grow. If they are happy with who they are, why take that away? I'm sure they know they can improve in areas without being harassed.

In the same way, telling a person who is not a christian and who still has a lot of healing to do and spiritual development to continue that they are loved and they should value who they are isn't "encouraging sin". (Prov. 19:8) Saying, "you can do that all you want, nothing bad will happen" that is encouraging it. Saying "you are loved and valued no matter what", is being a loving person.

God loves us on our journey, and so we should love each other on it too. (John 13:34-35, Eph. 4:1-2)

We crave acceptance and expect judgement from others. It's harmful and we should not help grow these feelings in others.

So let me just say this, stop shaming people who don't look how you think they should, and please stop shaming 'sinners' because they do not act how you want. Let people into places when they want to change and be loving and helpful. Don't expect them to look exactly like you and act like you, because we are all unique.
And above all else, love people no matter who they are or what part of their journey they are on. (Matt. 22:36-40)

"The greatest of these is love" - 1 Corinthians 13:13 


-CAM

(I hope you could read this with an open mind. I'm not just pointing a finger saying everyone is bad, but I did notice a popular pattern. I'm also working on these things myself, so I write this not only for others but for me. I tend to be critical of myself and at times I wonder if it's because of the harsh churches that I attended growing up.)

Fair Weather Faith?

I really love the rain! When it rains I feel like everywhere that the water touches gets a fresh start. I love to stand in the rain, to play in the puddles, to smell the fresh water on the plants, and to hear that sound of water falling from the sky.
But, there are a lot of people who hate the rain! It surprised me to hear this, because when you really enjoy something you don't understand how someone could dislike it. The people who hate rain don't like being wet or cold, they don't like the streets being wet, getting their hair messed up, or the sound of rain hitting the house and streets. Because of this, they are upset when it rains.


I noticed that whenever Christians have an event, they rebuke rain in the name of Jesus, they want perfect, warm, weather! I've even seen people upset with God when it rains on the Church Picnic. "Why would God let it rain on us? This is an important event and we prayed for perfect weather all day! So why do we have to endure the rain!"


You can laugh at that, it is pretty funny after all, yet I look at this as a spiritual principle. Don't we do that in our lives?


When "Rain" or "Storms" come into our lives, we panic! We pray that God would make all hardship just go away! And if it doesn't, if we aren't happy 24/7, we blame God for "not taking care of us" or "not answering prayer!"
A lot of Christians have "Fair Weather Faith" these days.


If you look at birds in the springs and summer, they seem content. They play in the water, have little babies, and live their lives. But once they notice that it is getting cold, they will all fly away from that place to a warmer one. People get upset when their friends are like this. "Fair Weather Friends" who will be with you at parties and go to dinner when you are rich and happy, but when you owe rent on your house or have a family issues that it hurting you, they are suddenly unreachable.


We get so upset at people like this.
"How can you call me your friend if you won't even be with me during the hard times!"
We think that we would never abandon a friend in need! But have we considered that we are like a fickle bird in our faith?


It's easy to be a Christian when you are going to picnics, concerts, and everything in life is as happy as a fairy tale. But that's not the case all the time, is it?


Being a follower of Christ is hard. 


"Blessed are you when men hate you, and when they exclude you, and revile you, and cast out your name as evil, for the Son of Mans sake. Rejoice in that day and leap for joy! For indeed your reward is great in Heaven, for in like manner their fathers did to the Prophets."
Luke 6:22-23


Not only were the disciples during and after Christ's time on Earth persecuted and hated by others, but it has been that way since the days of Noah and the Prophets! Because of our faith our life is hard. Christianity is not a crutch for the weak, it is a commitment and life for the strong. For when we are weak, He makes us strong!


"Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
2 Corinthians 12:10


Paul is one of the figures that we all look up to, because he had such an amazing faith. He was not only willing to die for the Gospel, but he was willing to live for the Gospel! 
I think that it is easier to say "I would die for God", especially since most of us think that we will not, but to live through the abuse of others is harder than dying. Never did Christ say that it would be easy to follow him, he said that we would be hated and that we should rejoice in the persecution!


It may sound like a cliche, but it's true, that God doesn't make things easy, but He will help us through it. He won't stop the storms, because He knows when we need them, but he will be our shelter from the storm.


I feel that "Christians" will go to bible study and church, but once something hard happens their faith is shaken and they doubt if God even cares. But we live in a fallen world, and if we don't have an eternal perspective we see things that hurt or are hard as bad or terrible. We fly from our faith as soon as winter comes. 


The thing is that when winter comes in our faith, so to speak, we fly away from the place that we were in. We don't sit in the place that we were until spring comes again, but we try to leave to a "better place". But we miss out on the blessings and the growth and stay in the same place in our maturity because we wouldn't stick out the winter. God isn't asking us to die in the cold, because he is our shelter, but once we leave His shadow and protection things can only get worse for us.


I ask myself, and challenge you to ask the same, "Am I a Fair Weather Christian?"


Do I get mad at God when things are hard, or don't go my way? Do I leave my faith behind when something looks more appealing? Are my beliefs based on my happiness alone, and if I am not happy I leave them?


One of the songs that I sing to remind myself of this is "Have Your Way" by Britt Nicole. Because it is about the hard times, and that we should let God have His way during those times, and not our way.
God does give us blessed times, comfort us, and answer our prayer. But he sees the whole picture and knows what's best for us.


I think that it is important to know that being a Christian is difficult, but so much more rewarding. And when you leave during that hard times, you don't grow and you appreciate the warm times as much. We need to choose joy in all times, and trust God with our lives.


I could go on forever, but I want to make this shorter so that those who read this can pray and consider on their own.


Refining the Faith,
-C.A.M.

"Beautiful"

I know that this is a subject that seems "overdone". But the reason we write and read about feeling beautiful is because we still don't feel like we are. So I wanted to write about my personal journey, the one I am still on, in viewing myself as a beautiful woman.


Now, you have probably heard the "I thought I was so ugly when I was younger, but once I grew up I felt beautiful" story a million times. The question is, did you feel beautiful because your confidence grew, or because you got thinner, taller, and "prettier".
Yes, we do grow more handsome and beautiful as we get older. Chances are that a twelve year old going through puberty doesn't look as stunning as a twenty five year old who has finished it. It's part of life, but the biggest growth in beauty is confidence that you are beautiful. If you don't have this when you are younger you will need to develop it, and if you did you need to make sure you keep it up instead of letting it fade as you  grow more conscience of your appearance.


It's easy to say that "True beauty is on the inside". But when I heard this my only thought was that saying meant that even though you're ugly on the outside, it's the inside that matters. That didn't help me much. Now I can see that the full meaning is that when you develop beauty, beginning on the inside, it will shine on the outside as well. 


I went to an internship where all the women I saw on campus were so beautiful! They were all second or third years, or staff members, at the ministry. I felt insecure the moment I stepped into that world. I felt like I did not belong in the same place as the pretty women. I mean, why should I be surrounded by such beautiful people and stand out as the ugly one? I could not see myself as beautiful at that time. The women there were confident, they were strong Christians, and they were "Proverbs 31" women. That is what made them so beautiful to me. 


As I look back, I think I understand why I felt ugly. It's because on the inside I was dead and I was not close to God, or behaving like a godly woman. Being around them made me see my flaws and I could not stand it. I spent the first few months in misery, believing that I did not belong. The feeling of being ugly was more of an underlying thing, I did not realize that was why I felt so bad until later. Once I began to see myself as beautiful as well, as I died to myself and my ugly, worldliness, I found that I was happy there.


(Now don't get me wrong, I think everyone is beautiful, that we are all unique and not a single one of us is ugly. I am just saying that other people are more attractive because of the type of person they are on the inside) 


So am I saying that I really was ugly compared to them? Maybe I am. Because God looks at the heart and not the outside, and my heart was ugly. (1 Samuel 16:7) I did not see that until the scales on my eyes fell off, and the light of the others shown on my darkness. As I got rid of my selfishness, my ugliness, my jealousy, and my love for the world and vanity, I found myself more beautiful.


Now I want to backtrack a little, to my early teens. I am almost twenty now, so to look back I see my foolishness.


I was a really twiggy child, my nickname was "Chicken Bone". But, once I started the wonderful thing called "Puberty", I began to gain weight. I was soon "the chubby kid" in my school. Pretty much all of my friends stayed skinny from seven to seventeen, except for me. And some of the girls would not let me forget that. Sometimes I look back and think, "Was there a way for me to have stayed skinny my whole life, like them?" But the answer is most likely No. Because this is my body type, I am not a size two or a size five, and I probably never will be. (But I am fine with that now)


I liked the same boy, growing up, as my pretty, popular friend. Outside, I would fight for him with her (joking slightly), but internally I thought that if he were to choose one of us, it would be the pretty, popular, skinny girl. (As I look back, I really don't know what I saw in him. But then again, I was only ten. My tastes weren't very developed then).
Once of my friends told me that my belly fat should be at my chest instead... Ouch...
Most of the girls hated me because, in-between the "Girls have cooties" and the "I want to date a girl" period, I hung out with a lot of guys. I was the Tom Boy, I spent most of my time with my brother, so I fit in better with guys. Plus, girls were mean to me, so why be with them?


Pretty much since I was seven I was the "Friendzone" girl. And I was fine with it! I just wanted to be with friends who liked video games and not glittery makeup. But the words from the other girls, and my own thoughts, were developing me into a person with very low self esteem. And my terrible haircut when I was thirteen did not help those feelings!


I wore sweats and t-shirts, I had a terrible bowl cut type of hair style, I was chubby, and I just did not like myself at all from twelve to fifteen. I put on a front, and was pretty much a jerk to everyone during that time. I acted like I didn't care about being pretty, wearing makeup, and that I was chalked full of confidence. But pride and insecurity are the same thing. Pride is insecurity in disguise, and insecurity can even be pride in disguise. 


The truth was that I felt ugly and unwanted. I had so many problems that it was crazy. Maybe I was just a dramatic teenager, but it felt terrible at the time. Who cared about makeup when you felt ugly even with it piled on? It was easier to just hide myself and build walls.


When I was sixteen God impacted my life through a mission trip to Alaska. I admitted to how I was feeling to the girls on my team, and got healing from it. But not full healing. After the trip was when I signed up for the internship. I has graduated high school two years early because I could not stand to be with people anymore. I was down to about three friends, out of the many I used to have, and I also moved out of the state. Once I was at the internship, well, I already told you about that.


Even after I finished my year in August of 2011, I still had feelings of insecurity.


I always hated my smile, I hated my chubby cheeks, I hated my clothing size, my completion, I hated a lot of things about me. I never showed my teeth when I smiled for photos, I hardly smiled in general. We used to have photo shoots for fun with my roommates, and that really helped me feel better. (I still love those pictures!)


I was going to stay another year, but God had other plans for me. Being home was hard. I missed campus, and I didn't feel like I was doing amazing things like the other graduates were.
Insecurity creeped back in. I felt ugly on the outside, and I felt unaccomplished on the inside. I recently went through a hard week filled with tears from insecurity, and about my life in general. But I am getting back on my feet and finding value in myself again.


This may sound too simple, or cliche, but this is how I have felt better about myself lately.


- I read my Bible more again, I talked to God about how I felt, and I journaled and wrote worship songs. This lifts my spirits for the day.


- When I look in the mirror I smile, and even say "I am beautiful" on occasion. When I start to feel bad about my looks I laugh and make a face and get over it. So what if there's a "muffin top" because of your jeans? Who cares about that in the end?  This helps me to make fun of myself a little, because I know I am beautiful anyways.


- I stopped watching shows about fashion. I pretty much just watch Sci-Fi films and series, and the Food Network. Getting rid of people telling me that I need to be prettier or skinnier helps me not compare.


- I threw out a lot of old makeup, and replaced it with some more natural looking, simple varieties. This helped my let go of the past, of piling on makeup to feel better. I don't need to "Make up" for anything that I am missing, I just accentuate the parts of my that I know are pretty anyways.


- I don't wear makeup unless I am going out. This helps me to see myself as beautiful everyday, and so I don't feel bad when I take off the makeup. I feel more comfortable in my skin this way, and it's better for me in the end.


- Saying things out loud may make you seem crazy, but hearing things helps, and saying things help you to process them. Hearing that I am beautiful, even if said by myself, helps me mentally.


- Never, never, never change yourself for another person! Do not loose weight just to get that one guy to like you. If you want to loose weight, or improve the way you dress, do it for yourself.


There is nothing wrong with bettering yourself, the problem is when you focus on it and overdo it!


Another thing is that we sometimes feel like if we know we are beautiful, and have confidence, than we are prideful, arrogant, and stuck up. But there is nothing wrong with having confidence in yourself! A arrogant person is one who puts down others to make them feel better, who feels like they are more attractive than anyone, and everyone else is ugly compared to them. A person who is confident doesn't have to put others down, knows they are beautiful and unique, and that all people are. Please know the difference, and don't let people tell you that you are stuck up because you know you are beautiful. 


I hope hearing about my personal journey has helped you. I went from the girl who saw herself as ugly and never smiled, to being the girl who sees herself as beautiful and smiles! I still have bad days, I am not saying that I am perfect in the least! And I am not saying to be like me, I am saying to be yourself. I do not want people to compare themselves to me ever! I want to encourage you that if you feel this way, you are not alone!


God took me out of my pit, but I need to work to stay out of it. Every day I make sure to find my worth in Him, and not my appearance, and to also see myself as beautiful, valuable, and precious!


Please know, whatever race, age, or gender you are, that you are beautiful! You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
(Psalm 139:13-14) 


Refining the faith,
-C.A.M.

Love is... Part 11

Photo From "View from wits end" (Credit in the corner)

Love Never Fails... 




The biggest part of love is that it does not fail, ever! The true, pure form of love never ends or fails. It's always there, and does not lose its potency. This hits home the most for me when I relate to the fact that God is love. God will never fail you. 


"The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying: 'I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness."
(Jeremiah 31:3)


This is one of my favorite verses, it defines who I am and my identity. "Everlasting Love" is a powerful phrase. It means that it is always at its full strength, it never began with something you did, and it will never end no matter what you do. It is infinite and it never fails. But the part that is convicting is that we are to love people in that way as well. To not have conditional love, where it started with them being good and ends with their mistake.


The most encouraging thing that I can think is that God is "Everlasting Love". Whenever I "mess up", "miss the mark", "sin", or "fall short", I become overwhelmed with guilt. Conviction that leads to repentance is a wonderful thing, but after you have repented guilt is purely from the Devil. When you feel guilty you run away from God, you are like the prodigal son who feels as if he cannot be his father's son again because he is so lowly. But God is that father who clothes his son and places a ring on his finger, he rejoices that his son came back, repented for what he did, and even though he is dirty he cleans him off and holds a feast.
This is Everlasting love. God sees every mistake you will make before and after you are "saved", and He still died for you. He knows that you will sin that day, but he still loves you. In will never end and it never started with a "good deed".


This is the type of love that never fails that we are expected to have as well. Not judging a person on their past, and to not lower our value or love for a person when they do something that hurts or disappoints us. You do not value a person on how they act or treat you, but you value them because the are a person.


The part after "love never fails" talks about how all the gifts people want to have will come to an end eventually, that they can all fail. But to be gifted with Love for others, that will never fail or go wrong.
I feel that most churches either push for gifts, or they will deny them completely. But the issue is that we want people to have prophecy, or the gift of tongues, and not the gift of love. The greatest gift of all the ones listed is love, it is the one that will not fail.


Instead of praying for tongues, maybe you should be praying harder for the gift of love. To grow in this area many hardships may come up to help your "love muscle" to grow.


I wanted to make this one short. If you just dwell on the principle in the Bible, and take another look at the past 10 parts, you can learn more for yourself than I can write down in a few days. So let's grow in love together, and grow in our knowledge of God's love as well.


Refining the faith,
-C.A.M. 

Love is... Part 10

Photo Credit: cute-pictures.blogspot

Love is... Always protecting, trusting, hoping, and preserving. 




So, we recently got through Valentines Day, the day that people either think is wonderful or horrible. I don't really agree with the way love is put forward for this, where men are required to give expensive gifts to women to prove that they care for them. Yet, it is a great time to reflect on the true nature of pure love. I focused on dwelling on God's love, it's eternal, unselfish, and unblemished. There's one more part of the Love series after this one, so let's make this a good one! 




Someone who "always protects, always trusts, always hopes, (and) always preserves" sounds like the ideal person! This is the love of God, this is the love that Christ showed us, and this is the love that the Holy Spirit empowers us to be able to show to others. "Agape" is the love in which the one giving it has no conditions and no expectations from loving the other person. This is the word used in Greek when describing God's love. It is pure, not sexual or romantic, and is simply caring for someone, no matter what they do or don't do. This is the love you show to your Enemies, and everyone else, not expecting them to love you back but loving them anyways. It's because of God's Agape that we are able to love Him.
"We love, because He first loved us." (1 John 4:19)


Let's try to just go through each part of this section, one by one. 




"Always Protects" 


To "Always protect" reminds me of a service man or a knight. The Police, EMTs, and Fire Men are there to protect the general public. They put others lives before their own and work hard to keep us safe and alive. They stand by, waiting for us to call on them. They are pretty much the closest thing we have to a superhero, but instead of a "Bat Signal" we call 911. I realize that they are not perfect, we all make mistakes, but they are people who live the life of "Always protect". 
The other thing I think of is a Knight, like the ones from our Childhood books. They fought monsters, fire breathing dragons, and rescued the town and the princess. In the books for the older audience they will probably die fighting. While the people mourn and honor them, they do not care that they died if it was to save another, and the only regret is that they are no longer alive to protect them. Knights of our dream land are "chivalrous", and little boys want to be like them!


At least, they used to. Being blunt here, but this is not a value that we are taught anymore. To open doors, ward off bad guys, and come to the rescue of women is not as important. Little boys like the guns and swords, but a lot of them think that the bad guy is cool! Most start watching MTV at a young age and want to be the "Player' when they grow up. These are the people who wound those around them, emotionally and physically. Men were created stronger to protect women, yet this is being lost. Now, women can also be noble and protect! They protect family and friends. I think that getting the value of protecting others at any cost needs to come back into the trends. 


"Regular" people don't die in battle and fight fires to protect, and this applies to those who do as well. We protect the feelings of others, their emotions. To love and protect people can be interfering when someone is being bullied. When you see someone being hurt, or who is potentially going to get hurt, you jump in and help them and protect them. In "modern times" we are able to do this more than we know. So, let's take a stand and protect those around us. 




"Always Trusts"


This one sounds very difficult to me, and probably to most people. To always trust? God, don't you know how much I have been hurt? How can I possibly trust people? To trust a person is extremely difficult for those of us who has been "burned" in the past. Example? One of the first times I did a "trust fall" they thought it would be funny to drop me on purpose...Onto the hard, rocky ground. I don't like trust falls anymore. But I had to do one recently with my roommates, and although it was hard it taught me a lesson. 


They caught me. Despite what happen years ago, they still caught me. Because we loved each other, and we did not want to see one another fall. To really love a person you need to trust them. Being suspicious, judgmental, or just thinking that they will let you down and have some sort of fault, drives a wedge in any relationship. It's a delicate balance, I think, because you both need to trust people, but do not rely on them to be perfect for you. Knowing a person has faults, and also not distrusting them for those faults. You love through mistakes and know we all make them, but still trust them. 


I know this may all sound confusing, but it's hard to put feelings into words. You also need to be a trustworthy person yourself, someone who is not back-stabbing, or sneaky, or that hides things from people. Trust and be trustable. 




"Always Hopes"


To always hope, in my opinion, is to see the light in every situation. It''s the opposite of despair. You are hopeful for the future, you have hope that things will get better in the most dire of times, and you hope the best for others as well. Love is about showing it to others, but it is also something internal. You always trust people and you always have hope. To be a hopeful, uplifting person draws people to you. Being an optimist makes people around you positive as well. 


When a person is in despair and you can give them hope, that is showing love to them. You make them see that things will get better, you tell them you are praying for them and hope for the best, and you want things to go in their best interests. And, to have hope, you trust God and love Him and believe in the love He has for you. 




"Always Preserves"


We preserve rain forests, trees, animal life, and human lives. We protect them so that we can preserve them. It's keeping something safe so that it is able to grow. Like a nursery for plants, or children for that matter! It is a safe place where they can mature. We should be a safe place that people can go to when they need to heal and can stay when they are tender and growing. This is more of a Maternal or Paternal instinct, when your parents want to keep you safe for your own good so that you can become a responsible and stable adult. 


God, as our Father, shows this aspect, as well as all of them of course. He wants to nurture us and help us grow. We should be this way towards others. Protecting them from harm, and helping them grow. It's shows love and value for a person when you care for their well being and development. 




I think that these are very important for love, and we all have our own definition for the words. This is my opinion on what these mean, and I hope that it can get your mind going on what you think of these. Just remember that God has all of these traits, in their perfect, pure forms, and so does Christ and the Holy Spirit. And every time that The Bible says to love another person, it means all of these things. Love is a deep feeling, and I am excited to be able to wrap this up with next times final word on Love.


For now, let's dwell on these and continue to grow in Agape.  


Refining the Faith, 
-C.A.M.

Love is... Part 9

Photo Credit: "love is all"

Love is... Just (Does not delight in Evil, but rejoices with the Truth) 

You are in Ancient Rome. You can hear the cheering of the crowds in the Coliseum, you know that there must be something going on. It could be a fight between Gladiators, or it could be Christians being fed to the lions. People are cheering, not unlike the cheering at the Super Bowl, and are thrilled with the excitement that this "sport" brings. They watch people being slaughtered and within the first month of operation of this new arena the sand is stained red, thick and wet with blood. This is the price of entertainment. 

The time after Christ's resurrection was dark. People who claimed to be Christians were killed daily, hourly. Many were killed for "sport". Thrown in the Coliseum, while people cheered for their deaths. Children would watch their parents die before them, or a parent would watch their child be devoured before them. They were beaten, tortured, eaten, and killed. They were even doused with oil and lit to be human torches for dinner parties. 

Why should I go into these gruesome facts? This is our heritage, as Christians. 

People who were Evil and Corrupt needed better and better entertainment. They were not satisfied until they could see death all around them. It was fun, since it was not them. Watching people battle to the death was normal. It was also Evil, and they delighted in it. Corrupt people enjoy watching people fight and die, they enjoyed rape and prostitution, they enjoy drunkenness and lust. If you take every Sin against God, they enjoyed it. In Sodom and Gomorrah men surrounded the house of Lot, they demanded that the men (Messengers of The Lord) be brought out to them to satisfy their carnal lust. In the entire town the only righteous people we know of is the family of Lot. The others were Evil. 

When it comes down to what "Love" is, it is a choice and not an emotion. God is Love, and true love is aspects of God. Lot showed love by not protecting himself and sending out the men to be raped, he denied them and offered anything he could in return, in the end the Messengers pulled Lot into his home, and shut the door, preventing any harm to come to His family. (Genesis 19:1-29)

This may seem like a stretch but I want to make a point with this. Lot and his family lived in that town with all of the Evil people. At any time they could have joined in and also delighted in the things they did, but they did not because they were righteous. 

To love is to follow God's commandments. (2 John 1:6)

Things that are not of God are to repulse us, that is our Spirit. Our Flesh desires these things and will try to win and swat us, which if why Paul wrote, "I die daily". (1 Corinthians 15:31)
We are to reflect Christ, who never delighted in what was evil. 


To be "Just"is to "behave according to what is morally right or fair" (Google Dictionary Definition)
Christians and Jews find what is "right" or "moral" from the Bible, from the Word of God. Our standards are to be His standards. So lying, deceit, lust, murder, hate, adultery, fornication, false worship, etc. are things that are Evil and that we should not enjoy. Things to rejoice in would be like, salvation, love, truth, justice, peace, joy, purity, charity, and kindness. Things that the Lord loves to see, we should also love to see. 


To love is to never rejoice in the mistreatment of others. We should not laugh when people are bullied or hurt by others, or by ourselves. If it is in "real life" or on a show, we should never take pleasure in the hurt of others. Having a strong sense of justice is essential if you with the be Christ-like. This is one small part of this aspect of love, to hate mistreatment of others. 


Here is the other part, that may sting a bit more to say. 


"Loving" violent video games and movies... We should NEVER enjoy films like "Saw" or "Final Destination"! EVER! Because watching the torture of people, "fake" or "real", makes us no better than the people watching children being eaten by lions and cheering! Death is not a fun thing, murder is not funny, and torture is not something to be laughed at while you munch on popcorn. You may not be "physically" doing these things, but killing people for fun is not a good thing to do! 


I leave it up to your own conviction of what is the "limit" for Video Games and Movies. I pray we all listen to our conscience in this matter. 


Another thing that is Evil that many Christians "struggle" with is Pornography. The addiction and love of this entertainment is an Evil and False thing that we should despise and stay away from. Most people are exposed at a young age from curiosity, and many Christian artists have said that Porn was something they had to overcome. Is was a thing that they substituted for real, pure love... It is false, it is a lie, and it is evil. But it is also something you can overcome! There are many sources and churches today to help Christians overcome this because it is a growing problem every day, and I am in full support of them. The first step is swallowing pride and getting help, just as an addiction to drugs or alcohol. 


Cutting off the ties of Evil and Corrupted things is a difficult and painful process and can only be done with the help and Grace of God, and by Dying to our flesh daily. To be able to be a true representation of Love we need to cut off evil in our lives, and never approve of it when it is around us. Once you are no longer numb to it, you spot it more easily and stay far away from it. 


To Love is to rejoice in the things the Lord does, and to hate the things He does. Having high standards draws others with high standards towards you, and even people with low standards. They want to know what makes you different and why you do not like the things that "The World" does. You are showing love to them by not tolerating wrong behavior towards them and others, and towards yourself. And you are showing love by not allowing those things to be around you nor in your life.


I hope this made sense, and helped you realize a few things in your life. It did for me. 


Refining the Faith,
-C.A.M.

Love Is... Part 7

Love is... Not easily angered.

Anger is a natural human emotion. Even the girl from Enchanted got angry at one point! There are times that you will get angry in life, and anger is not necessarily a sin in itself. What you do with your anger can be a sin.

Anger is clearly a dangerous thing. There are several times where anger is mentioned in the Bible. The most known being,

"'Be angry and do not sin: do not let the sun go down on your anger, nor give place to the devil."

"Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you."

Ephesians 4:26-27, 31-32

Keeping anger, like a grudge, within you can cause so much damage to yourself and others. You should forgive before the day is over because the longer you hold on to your anger the longer it will wrap it's vines around you and infect you. Anger festers over time, like an untreated wound. Yes, that is a disgusting sounding metaphor, but that is just the way it is. Anger can lead to wrath and hate.

"Whoever hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him."

1 John 3:15

In God's eyes to hate someone is the same as murdering them, just as lust after a person is adultery. To hate a person you are first angry with them, you let the anger grow and fester inside of you, and then slowly you begin to hate them. This is a sin that we need to repent for.

Another dangerous thing about hate is that it gives place for the Devil to work in your life. That little seed grows under your "fertilizer" as it dwells and the Enemy also feeds it. You give them access to your heart and emotions and are being manipulated. The subtle thoughts that are put in your mind are more damaging over time than you think. Think of it like grains of rice. You add a grain each time with each thought, they seem so small. Over time you find that "all of a sudden" you have a gallon of rice stacked up. It is important to throw out each grain of rice as it comes in, before it can add up.

Anger, as previously said, is not sin. Jesus and God both have "righteous anger" and are angry. But remember that His anger lasts but a moment but His favor lasts a lifetime. (Psalm 30:5) A brief moment of anger seems to be okay, but it is something to be careful with. We all have emotions and we all get angered at times, it is what we do with it and if we can control it and forgive - "Be angry and do not sin".

It does not say "love is never angry", because God has been angry at times, and he is love, and he is perfect. It says "Love is not easily angered". This, I believe, goes hand in hand with patience. To have the patience, forgiveness, and love to not be angry with others easily.

Think about it, how often are we mad at people? We have short and quick cuss words and names for people who anger us, "Jerk, Stupid, Idiot." (I will not go into the cussing though.) We also make the noises, "ARRGH, UGH, AAAAHH, GRRR!" I know I make these noises. When you are driving, working, at school, shopping, walking, etc. these come to mind. Any time you interact with other people there is a chance you will get angry at them because out of our pride we think that they are being stupid because they are not doing things our way (AKA the "right way") or respecting us in the way we feel that we need to be treated. Admit it, you know this to be true.

Now imagine the life of Christ, pure love in the flesh. He was beaten, mocked, spit on, glared at, probably was shoved and pushed and people would repeatedly "wag their heads" at him. He was right and perfect and knew how people should act, in our standards he had every right to be angry at these people. Yet he was not easily angered, "Father forgive them, they know not what they do." (Luke 23:34) He did not spit back, mock back, shake his fist, cuss, or scream in aggravation like we do. He was angry for a brief moment when he saw The Lords house, his Fathers house, turned into a place of business and being used the wrong way. Even after he was angry those times he forgave and continued on.

Is that our attitude? Is that my attitude?

I am still working on not being easily angered, it is far harder than it sounds... I would call quick anger "annoyance", when you roll your eyes and internally (or vocally) are upset with a person for a small thing they do, and one by one the rice stacks up. If we wish to love all people, as Christ does, than we need to work on having patience with people. Repent and forgive each time you are angered, and slowly your spirit is built up and you can notice it more quickly over time. This is strengthening your sprit, you patience, your love, and you "Christ-likeness". This is strengthening what is mean to be a "Christian".

"By this they will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another."

(John 13:35)

To be like Christ (to be a disciple - to be just like your "Rabbi") is to love, and it should be noticeable. Not being angered easily is noticed in our culture, so try it out and we can draw them to Christ.

Refining the faith,

-C.A.M.

Photo Credit: Myself, http://pens4chopsticks.deviantart.com/gallery/#/d4lcl48

Can You Hear It?

So I will betaking a break from the Love series today to write about something that has heavily been on my mind.

Chasing after your calling.

I will be the first one to admit here that I had been running away from what God had for me. In my life I was pretty much slapped in the face with the fact that I was running away. Why?

Fear of Man.

Fear of failure.

Fear of the unknown.

Issues of trust.

Self doubt.

Insecurity.

The list just keeps going on.

I came to the wake up call a little while ago, and again just the other day. The first time I realized that I was running away completely.

I have known since a young age, and had it confirmed several times, that I was to be a writer, speaker, counselor, role model, and leader. But I had come against the negativity of the world so many times that I had practically given up on it and wanted to pursue something else, something that would not be doubted or mocked. Strangers and close friends alike told me outright and subtly that there was no way that I could be a writer. "It does not make money." "Your grammar sucks too much." "You are just making your calling 'great' out of pride." "You just want to be a writer so that you can stay home all day and do whatever you want, wasting your life!"

I was used to these comments most of my life. Despite the fact that writing was my passion I was told it was impossible. I slowly started to believe everything that was told to me. After all, I was not in college like other people or working a steady job. "I must be a washed up looser... Maybe my calling is something different! I should pursue something else!"

My year at the Honor Academy helped me come to the re-realization that it was my calling and I needed to pursue it whole heartedly! I wanted to stay another year there, but I got the thumbs down from God and went home instead.

Once I got home I looked into colleges and programs instead.

I was in California visiting some friends when, with many tears, I realized that I was just using these things, although good things, to run away! When I went from there to Texas I got a word from a trusted friend that confirmed my feelings. "You know what you are supposed to do, stop running away from it! Run towards it and do not walk!" This struck my entire being!

Once I was home I was walking towards it... Not running... Just the other day I realized that slowly I was becoming dead inside, losing who I really was. Something needed to change and I am starting again with a new outlook. RUN.

Isaiah 40:31 (b)

"They will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not grow faint."

I want to be a runner, a marathon runner! Boldly striving for what I am supposed to do! Because my dream of being a best selling author may seem big to everyone else, but to God it seems small! I made the image for this post my background so that I can be daily reminded of it, I suggest that if you need a background for your computer you make it an encouraging verse and change it every now and then..

So I want to take time to just encourage you.

Whatever your dream is, whatever you think your calling may be, it is so small compared to what God has and do not let anyone, ANYONE, including your friends, family, strangers, the Enemy, and yourself, say that it is impossible! Because all things are possible through Christ Jesus who gives you strength! (Philippians 4:13)

Your "Calling" is just a fancy way of saying "what God is asking you to do", you have the free will to choose it, but you also have it as your "destiny". Go after what you think it is, and if the plan changes then God will tell you and point you to the right way. But do not waste time sitting around asking if it really is or not, just do it and the information will come when it needs to.

Another thing is that when you are at your low point, we all have them, that is when the Enemy strikes!

"Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." (1 Peter 5:8)

I was just in the jaw of the lion... I was hopeless, joyless, insecure, and depressed. I was being eaten slowly. But through the Grace of God, the strength and love, I was able to escape. (Praise the Lamb!)

So be alert and choose joy in all circumstances! Do not let your guard down and keep your armor on! Because like Daniel God will save you from the Lion.

"Submit to God, resist the Devil, and he will flee from you." (James 4:7)

Another thing. While you are chasing the dream and/or in the Lion Pit, the Enemy will try to convince you that the New Man you are in Christ is not the real you. This is a lie from the very pits of Hell! The new man is the real you! Do not ever forget or doubt that! You are a new creation, you are a child of the most high God, you are saved and forgiven, and you are not who you once were! There I times I need to say,

"I am the Child and servant and new creation of the I AM, that is who I am!"

Do not loose your identity in Christ.

Run and do not walk, keep on your armor, be alert, and stay joyful~!

"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)

This may be short, but that is what I wanted to write today. I pray that you take this to heart when you read it.

Refining the faith,

-C.A.M.

Partial Photo Credit: http://www.art.com/products/p13789733-sa-i2757472/bob-winsett-silhouette-of-woman-trail-running-co.htm

Love Is... Part 6

Love is... Not self seeking

So I am finding that 1 Corinthians love is all about laying yourself down and caring for others. All of the previous parts had something to do with it, so it seems that in case you did not catch all of what was written before or really got the meaning the writer decided to plainly say it, "Love does no seek it's own."

Our nature is self preservation, to seek for our own benefit. But the nature of the spirit is to care not for your self but for others. This is why we die to self, so that the spirit can prevail in our life. I admit that I am a selfish person, because we are all selfish. I try my best to not be prideful or selfish and I make mistakes all the time. And when I try to do it on my own, with my own strength, that is when I fail the most.

I see Jesus' whole life as an example to us. He showed us how to live, he showed us that through grace we can overcome sin even as a Man. Then he died, the ultimate act of love and sacrifice, and then rose from the dead through the Holy Spirit, which now dwells within us, and is interceding for us in Heaven! What He did was incredible, what he is still doing is incredible. So I know that I am able to overcome sin and temptation as well through the Trinity. I also know that you can as well.

I do not think that God would ever give a task that is impossible, because through Him all is possible. But with our own strength these things are impossible. So while is may seem that to be selfless and to not seek your own, in every circumstance, it is possible with the strength of The Lord. I write with the upmost faith that we can all, as the body of Christ, overcome this!

So how are we not self seeking? Our priorities are dead last, bottom of the food chain. What everyone else wants comes before us. Naturally we think that this is ridiculous, that would be human nature crying out. "How can I not care for myself? That is stupid, I have to put myself first sometimes!" While many people say this, that does not make it true. You put the charities, the poor, the widows, the wants and needs of everyones else, other peoples plans, and Gods priorities high above your own and when all of those are taken care of you will be taken care of. It seems miserable to be that person who just keeps giving, but is that not what Christ did? And are we not his followers? Disciples who want to be just like him in every way?

There was a story I heard once about "the foolish traveler" in Japan. This person gave all they had and were generous. So people started to use them, they would even lie to the person. They would tell them that they were sick and needed medicine and he would give them anything he could. Once he was out of money he started to give away his belongings and clothing. He ended up naked in the forest without anything. Then goblins came claiming that they were starving so he gave up his body to them to eat. All that he had left in the end was his head, with no eyes. Then the goblins, mocking him, said they had a present for him. It was a piece of paper with the word "Fool" written on it. Then he cried out of joy, "This is the first time anyone has given me anything!" And he died while saying thank you and crying...

Is that story very fictional and a bit morbid? Yes. Does it have a good point? Yes.

People read that and take away, "stupid person, don't give away what you have or you will die like that!"

I take it as "That is how I should live my life".

I am not going to give up my body for goblins to eat, but I will give what I have.

"If a man asks for your shirt give him your cloak as well." (Matt. 5:40)

To keep giving is what I want my life to be like, and it is so hard to give up what I have to others. I know I need to do it and I fight every time a person asks for somethings from me. Money, food, clothes, time, etc. We want things things that we consider "ours" to stay ours. But aren't all of these things Gods in the end?

He gave us life, out time on this Earth, our food, our clothes, our money and job, these are all blessings and gifts from God. He can take them away at will. So when he asks us, through the Holy Spirit, to give it to others why can we not give it? It is not really ours, it is Gods. We should be willing to give up what God has given us at any time, He gives and takes away.

The study of love is a convicting one. Once you think you are loving you realize that you really are not... Christmas is coming up and it is the greatest time to show love. We choose this time to celebrate Christ being given to us men, because God so loved us all. What better time to show His way of love to others? Be charitable, and do not stop after winter ends. Let us all work together to really reflect Christ. To be the Moon reflecting the Sun. That is what draws people to God. I know that I will probably mess up but I want to at least try, with His grace.

Refining the Faith,

-C.A.M.

Photo Credit: http://www.vine2victory.com/real-love/