Are Fat Shaming and Critical Christianity Similar?

It's been a long time since I've written on this blog. But I had a thought and I wanted to put it to paper, so to speak.

There have been many articles about "Fat Shaming" lately, and loving your body. Recently I've been going through quite a struggle when it comes to Church and certain aspects of Christianity. I believe in the Bible, I identify with Christ, the whole sha-bang. But the church as I see it is different to me now. Not all, certainly, but a pattern that I noticed. And what I noticed is that fat shaming and negativity in the church are very similar.


People defend themselves saying that they aren't shaming the person, they are concerned with their health. And maybe you are, but let's just make something clear that if you are telling a person they should be ashamed of themselves, are making fun of them, or making a person feel bad about who they are you are not "concerned for their health". Maybe you want them to live longer, be healthy, etc. But being healthy and fitting in with other peoples and the medias expectation of what "healthy" looks like are different. I am not a size 6 or under. I do, however, exercise for an hour a day, eat mostly raw fruits and vegetables, and take the stairs instead of the elevator whenever I can. I'm hygienic, I am in perfect health when I go in for checkups, and I am not considered "healthy" because I am not thin enough, to some people at least. Judging based on the outer appearance of a person without knowing what they are going through is wrong, period.

Let's shift to Christianity. When you tell a person that you are concerned for their spiritual health and are genuine, that's one thing. Telling a person that they are awful, sinful, will die and burn, and need to shape up and be more like you is different. Only God knows a persons heart (1 Samuel 16:7) and only that person understands what they are going through (1 Cor. 2:11).

Please don't disguise judgement as concern. 
If someone thinks I have an unhealthy eating and exercise lifestyle, they might recommend something to me as a concerned friend. It's my choice to accept it or not. If a person forces me to go on a diet, like some parents force their children to "to make them healthier", that's not really right in my opinion. I'm fine with suggestions and telling me maybe I should do this or that, as advice. But if a person insists I do it and tells me I'm terrible if I don't, it's hurtful.

Sometimes people are very aggressive about giving bibles and sermons out. I think it's right to offer to people, I think it's good. But forcing things on a person and ignoring their free will doesn't tend to lead down the right roads. (John 6:44) You can offer, you can be open for them at any time, but you cannot force someone to believe in something.

Don't pressure someone to do what you want in your timing to make you feel better. 

I've heard a lot of stories of people who post photos during their weight loss journey and are mocked cause it isn't fast enough. I know people who hate going to a gym cause people tease them when they go there. They say that they should exercise and be healthy, then mock those people when they try to change. Essentially it's a culture that you have to be fit to go to a gym, which makes no sense.

When a person goes to church and are not the "clean cut" looking people you want to see in the building... that's just.... ugh...
You want to be welcoming and say that anyone is welcome, that God loves you as you are and we are called to be the reflection of that love. Christ didn't come for the perfect, he didn't come to make a club or goodie-goodies that make fun of the "bad influences". He came because of love and for those who needed Him. (Romans 5:8, 1 John 4:10, 1 John 4:19, etc.) Judging a broken person in a church is like judging an overweight person at the gym. And also, they may not even be "overweight", maybe they look that way by your standards. Some people don't like tattooed and pierced people in their sanctuaries (the irony considering the meaning of "sanctuary") yet a lot of the people I know who dedicated their life to freeing sex slaves in Thailand and preaching have tattoos, piercings, and don't dress in the "proper way".

Don't tell someone to "fix" a problem and then mock them when they try. 

When a person who is considered overweight "messes up their diet" it's a big deal. When a thin person eats an unhealthy thing "they earned it, so it's okay". This is really unfair to judge a person based on their visible track record. Judging people differently when they eat the same food because of their appearance is not cool. Maybe I shouldn't have cause you know I'm on a diet, but me breaking my diet should not be twice as bad as a thin person breaking theirs.


Similarly, when a person who is "lost and struggling" may make a mistake it can be made a far bigger deal. A "you keep messing up" type of feeling is conveyed. Love keeps no records of wrongs, meaning that you don't keep track of what a person did last week to compare with today. (Isaiah 43:25, Heb. 8:12) We shouldn't be making a list of who messes up more, and who we should be more lenient on when they make a mistake. We are humans, we mess up, none of us are perfect. So when a new christian does something that hurts them and you get so upset and judge them, yet if a person you consider super holy does the same thing and you think "it's okay, it's just one small mistake" that's an issue to me. God is fair, and we should be too.


Don't set standard levels for people based on appearance. 




In both cases it's a journey. It isn't an instant transformation. I can't do one sit-up and eat a carrot and magically be thin. I also didn't say one prayer and my life became perfect and I never made any mistakes and all my past issues went away. Shame is never a good thing. Never. Shame is not of God either. It is not one of the aspects of love or fruits of the spirit. But not keeping records of wrong, not judging, being patient, being good, and love protects. (1 Cor. 13:4-7, Gal. 5:22-23)
In both cases, we should be protecting people. From what? From judgement from others, from pain and hurt and neglect and abuse. From being an outcast and feeling unwanted, ugly, or uncared for. Personal trainers should not tell a person they are doing bad when they are trying, they encourage them to keep trying and tell them how proud they are, they coach them and cheer them on. Christians should be the same way. We should be open to anyone coming into our lives and into churches. There should be no screening of appropriateness, if we should allow them to be around us, if they perfected themselves alone enough first.

What would the point of churches (or gyms) be if you had to do it all on your own until you felt perfect enough to come?
With no help, no support, not until you fit in. If I sound upset it's because I am. It's because I've met people who have been deeply wounded by the church, and I have too in the past. And I've seen people who suffer from self-loathing from their body, as I do.

I see the similarities of the self loathing I have when I sin, when I slip up, and when I eat a cupcake. I look around to see who caught me. I tell myself "don't you do that again!". I say that I made a mistake and I go into this spiral of self-hate because of something that, in retrospect, isn't a huge deal. I beat myself up when I tell a lie like I beat myself up when I skip "arm day".  Because it's the same dread.

Acceptance. 

I dread that if I'm overweight I won't be accepted by others as an equal. I dread being judged by those around me, and people I don't know, when I go about my daily life. I don't want someone to see my eating a cupcake 'cause I don't want to see the look on their face when I eat it. The "you didn't earn that, you can't do that, I'm better than you, I caught you being bad" face. I don't like to eat in public for this reason, and in fact I force myself to. I still have a hard time eating anything sweet or fried in public because I am so scared of judgement. I know I should love myself, I know that I am wonderfully made, I know that really I am beautiful (SoS 4:7, Psalm 139:14) I am made in the image of God, and I am "good". But I want so much for everyone else to think that about me too.

Now imagine feeling this way not only about your body, but who you are. You slip up, you get jealous or have a fit of rage. "Did anyone see me? Will they still be friends with me? I didn't go to church in a while, am I still welcome? Will they judge me and ask why I haven't come? Did I do something wrong? I should fix myself before going back. I need to seem on track with everyone else." It's like telling yourself you cannot join that Pilates class again until you do enough at home to be on the same page, when they point of it is to grow together.

Now, I understand that a lot of this is internal too. It's shaming and a struggle between yourself and that voice that says you aren't good enough. But what I'm saying is that it shouldn't be fueled by others. You have enough damage and judgement from yourself to fight, so do you need it from others too? Or should others support and help you, and tell you that you are wonderful not only when you're finished the journey but every step of the way as well. (1 Peter 4:8)

This is the final comparison I want to make.

Some people say that telling an "overweight" person to love themselves and that they are beautiful/handsome is bad because it promotes bad behavior and an unhealthy lifestyle. "We don't want our kids to look up to fat people, then they'll be fat too." (This is wrong in soooo many ways that I don't want to go into at the moment)

Ensuring a person that they are valuable isn't encouraging bad behavior. 
Listen. Telling someone that they are great and valuable and intelligent and worth listening to and that they can love them self isn't encouraging them to get worse, it's cheering them on to keep going. Loving a person helps them grow. If they are happy with who they are, why take that away? I'm sure they know they can improve in areas without being harassed.

In the same way, telling a person who is not a christian and who still has a lot of healing to do and spiritual development to continue that they are loved and they should value who they are isn't "encouraging sin". (Prov. 19:8) Saying, "you can do that all you want, nothing bad will happen" that is encouraging it. Saying "you are loved and valued no matter what", is being a loving person.

God loves us on our journey, and so we should love each other on it too. (John 13:34-35, Eph. 4:1-2)

We crave acceptance and expect judgement from others. It's harmful and we should not help grow these feelings in others.

So let me just say this, stop shaming people who don't look how you think they should, and please stop shaming 'sinners' because they do not act how you want. Let people into places when they want to change and be loving and helpful. Don't expect them to look exactly like you and act like you, because we are all unique.
And above all else, love people no matter who they are or what part of their journey they are on. (Matt. 22:36-40)

"The greatest of these is love" - 1 Corinthians 13:13 


-CAM

(I hope you could read this with an open mind. I'm not just pointing a finger saying everyone is bad, but I did notice a popular pattern. I'm also working on these things myself, so I write this not only for others but for me. I tend to be critical of myself and at times I wonder if it's because of the harsh churches that I attended growing up.)