Are Fat Shaming and Critical Christianity Similar?

It's been a long time since I've written on this blog. But I had a thought and I wanted to put it to paper, so to speak.

There have been many articles about "Fat Shaming" lately, and loving your body. Recently I've been going through quite a struggle when it comes to Church and certain aspects of Christianity. I believe in the Bible, I identify with Christ, the whole sha-bang. But the church as I see it is different to me now. Not all, certainly, but a pattern that I noticed. And what I noticed is that fat shaming and negativity in the church are very similar.


People defend themselves saying that they aren't shaming the person, they are concerned with their health. And maybe you are, but let's just make something clear that if you are telling a person they should be ashamed of themselves, are making fun of them, or making a person feel bad about who they are you are not "concerned for their health". Maybe you want them to live longer, be healthy, etc. But being healthy and fitting in with other peoples and the medias expectation of what "healthy" looks like are different. I am not a size 6 or under. I do, however, exercise for an hour a day, eat mostly raw fruits and vegetables, and take the stairs instead of the elevator whenever I can. I'm hygienic, I am in perfect health when I go in for checkups, and I am not considered "healthy" because I am not thin enough, to some people at least. Judging based on the outer appearance of a person without knowing what they are going through is wrong, period.

Let's shift to Christianity. When you tell a person that you are concerned for their spiritual health and are genuine, that's one thing. Telling a person that they are awful, sinful, will die and burn, and need to shape up and be more like you is different. Only God knows a persons heart (1 Samuel 16:7) and only that person understands what they are going through (1 Cor. 2:11).

Please don't disguise judgement as concern. 
If someone thinks I have an unhealthy eating and exercise lifestyle, they might recommend something to me as a concerned friend. It's my choice to accept it or not. If a person forces me to go on a diet, like some parents force their children to "to make them healthier", that's not really right in my opinion. I'm fine with suggestions and telling me maybe I should do this or that, as advice. But if a person insists I do it and tells me I'm terrible if I don't, it's hurtful.

Sometimes people are very aggressive about giving bibles and sermons out. I think it's right to offer to people, I think it's good. But forcing things on a person and ignoring their free will doesn't tend to lead down the right roads. (John 6:44) You can offer, you can be open for them at any time, but you cannot force someone to believe in something.

Don't pressure someone to do what you want in your timing to make you feel better. 

I've heard a lot of stories of people who post photos during their weight loss journey and are mocked cause it isn't fast enough. I know people who hate going to a gym cause people tease them when they go there. They say that they should exercise and be healthy, then mock those people when they try to change. Essentially it's a culture that you have to be fit to go to a gym, which makes no sense.

When a person goes to church and are not the "clean cut" looking people you want to see in the building... that's just.... ugh...
You want to be welcoming and say that anyone is welcome, that God loves you as you are and we are called to be the reflection of that love. Christ didn't come for the perfect, he didn't come to make a club or goodie-goodies that make fun of the "bad influences". He came because of love and for those who needed Him. (Romans 5:8, 1 John 4:10, 1 John 4:19, etc.) Judging a broken person in a church is like judging an overweight person at the gym. And also, they may not even be "overweight", maybe they look that way by your standards. Some people don't like tattooed and pierced people in their sanctuaries (the irony considering the meaning of "sanctuary") yet a lot of the people I know who dedicated their life to freeing sex slaves in Thailand and preaching have tattoos, piercings, and don't dress in the "proper way".

Don't tell someone to "fix" a problem and then mock them when they try. 

When a person who is considered overweight "messes up their diet" it's a big deal. When a thin person eats an unhealthy thing "they earned it, so it's okay". This is really unfair to judge a person based on their visible track record. Judging people differently when they eat the same food because of their appearance is not cool. Maybe I shouldn't have cause you know I'm on a diet, but me breaking my diet should not be twice as bad as a thin person breaking theirs.


Similarly, when a person who is "lost and struggling" may make a mistake it can be made a far bigger deal. A "you keep messing up" type of feeling is conveyed. Love keeps no records of wrongs, meaning that you don't keep track of what a person did last week to compare with today. (Isaiah 43:25, Heb. 8:12) We shouldn't be making a list of who messes up more, and who we should be more lenient on when they make a mistake. We are humans, we mess up, none of us are perfect. So when a new christian does something that hurts them and you get so upset and judge them, yet if a person you consider super holy does the same thing and you think "it's okay, it's just one small mistake" that's an issue to me. God is fair, and we should be too.


Don't set standard levels for people based on appearance. 




In both cases it's a journey. It isn't an instant transformation. I can't do one sit-up and eat a carrot and magically be thin. I also didn't say one prayer and my life became perfect and I never made any mistakes and all my past issues went away. Shame is never a good thing. Never. Shame is not of God either. It is not one of the aspects of love or fruits of the spirit. But not keeping records of wrong, not judging, being patient, being good, and love protects. (1 Cor. 13:4-7, Gal. 5:22-23)
In both cases, we should be protecting people. From what? From judgement from others, from pain and hurt and neglect and abuse. From being an outcast and feeling unwanted, ugly, or uncared for. Personal trainers should not tell a person they are doing bad when they are trying, they encourage them to keep trying and tell them how proud they are, they coach them and cheer them on. Christians should be the same way. We should be open to anyone coming into our lives and into churches. There should be no screening of appropriateness, if we should allow them to be around us, if they perfected themselves alone enough first.

What would the point of churches (or gyms) be if you had to do it all on your own until you felt perfect enough to come?
With no help, no support, not until you fit in. If I sound upset it's because I am. It's because I've met people who have been deeply wounded by the church, and I have too in the past. And I've seen people who suffer from self-loathing from their body, as I do.

I see the similarities of the self loathing I have when I sin, when I slip up, and when I eat a cupcake. I look around to see who caught me. I tell myself "don't you do that again!". I say that I made a mistake and I go into this spiral of self-hate because of something that, in retrospect, isn't a huge deal. I beat myself up when I tell a lie like I beat myself up when I skip "arm day".  Because it's the same dread.

Acceptance. 

I dread that if I'm overweight I won't be accepted by others as an equal. I dread being judged by those around me, and people I don't know, when I go about my daily life. I don't want someone to see my eating a cupcake 'cause I don't want to see the look on their face when I eat it. The "you didn't earn that, you can't do that, I'm better than you, I caught you being bad" face. I don't like to eat in public for this reason, and in fact I force myself to. I still have a hard time eating anything sweet or fried in public because I am so scared of judgement. I know I should love myself, I know that I am wonderfully made, I know that really I am beautiful (SoS 4:7, Psalm 139:14) I am made in the image of God, and I am "good". But I want so much for everyone else to think that about me too.

Now imagine feeling this way not only about your body, but who you are. You slip up, you get jealous or have a fit of rage. "Did anyone see me? Will they still be friends with me? I didn't go to church in a while, am I still welcome? Will they judge me and ask why I haven't come? Did I do something wrong? I should fix myself before going back. I need to seem on track with everyone else." It's like telling yourself you cannot join that Pilates class again until you do enough at home to be on the same page, when they point of it is to grow together.

Now, I understand that a lot of this is internal too. It's shaming and a struggle between yourself and that voice that says you aren't good enough. But what I'm saying is that it shouldn't be fueled by others. You have enough damage and judgement from yourself to fight, so do you need it from others too? Or should others support and help you, and tell you that you are wonderful not only when you're finished the journey but every step of the way as well. (1 Peter 4:8)

This is the final comparison I want to make.

Some people say that telling an "overweight" person to love themselves and that they are beautiful/handsome is bad because it promotes bad behavior and an unhealthy lifestyle. "We don't want our kids to look up to fat people, then they'll be fat too." (This is wrong in soooo many ways that I don't want to go into at the moment)

Ensuring a person that they are valuable isn't encouraging bad behavior. 
Listen. Telling someone that they are great and valuable and intelligent and worth listening to and that they can love them self isn't encouraging them to get worse, it's cheering them on to keep going. Loving a person helps them grow. If they are happy with who they are, why take that away? I'm sure they know they can improve in areas without being harassed.

In the same way, telling a person who is not a christian and who still has a lot of healing to do and spiritual development to continue that they are loved and they should value who they are isn't "encouraging sin". (Prov. 19:8) Saying, "you can do that all you want, nothing bad will happen" that is encouraging it. Saying "you are loved and valued no matter what", is being a loving person.

God loves us on our journey, and so we should love each other on it too. (John 13:34-35, Eph. 4:1-2)

We crave acceptance and expect judgement from others. It's harmful and we should not help grow these feelings in others.

So let me just say this, stop shaming people who don't look how you think they should, and please stop shaming 'sinners' because they do not act how you want. Let people into places when they want to change and be loving and helpful. Don't expect them to look exactly like you and act like you, because we are all unique.
And above all else, love people no matter who they are or what part of their journey they are on. (Matt. 22:36-40)

"The greatest of these is love" - 1 Corinthians 13:13 


-CAM

(I hope you could read this with an open mind. I'm not just pointing a finger saying everyone is bad, but I did notice a popular pattern. I'm also working on these things myself, so I write this not only for others but for me. I tend to be critical of myself and at times I wonder if it's because of the harsh churches that I attended growing up.)

Love is... Part 11

Photo From "View from wits end" (Credit in the corner)

Love Never Fails... 




The biggest part of love is that it does not fail, ever! The true, pure form of love never ends or fails. It's always there, and does not lose its potency. This hits home the most for me when I relate to the fact that God is love. God will never fail you. 


"The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying: 'I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness."
(Jeremiah 31:3)


This is one of my favorite verses, it defines who I am and my identity. "Everlasting Love" is a powerful phrase. It means that it is always at its full strength, it never began with something you did, and it will never end no matter what you do. It is infinite and it never fails. But the part that is convicting is that we are to love people in that way as well. To not have conditional love, where it started with them being good and ends with their mistake.


The most encouraging thing that I can think is that God is "Everlasting Love". Whenever I "mess up", "miss the mark", "sin", or "fall short", I become overwhelmed with guilt. Conviction that leads to repentance is a wonderful thing, but after you have repented guilt is purely from the Devil. When you feel guilty you run away from God, you are like the prodigal son who feels as if he cannot be his father's son again because he is so lowly. But God is that father who clothes his son and places a ring on his finger, he rejoices that his son came back, repented for what he did, and even though he is dirty he cleans him off and holds a feast.
This is Everlasting love. God sees every mistake you will make before and after you are "saved", and He still died for you. He knows that you will sin that day, but he still loves you. In will never end and it never started with a "good deed".


This is the type of love that never fails that we are expected to have as well. Not judging a person on their past, and to not lower our value or love for a person when they do something that hurts or disappoints us. You do not value a person on how they act or treat you, but you value them because the are a person.


The part after "love never fails" talks about how all the gifts people want to have will come to an end eventually, that they can all fail. But to be gifted with Love for others, that will never fail or go wrong.
I feel that most churches either push for gifts, or they will deny them completely. But the issue is that we want people to have prophecy, or the gift of tongues, and not the gift of love. The greatest gift of all the ones listed is love, it is the one that will not fail.


Instead of praying for tongues, maybe you should be praying harder for the gift of love. To grow in this area many hardships may come up to help your "love muscle" to grow.


I wanted to make this one short. If you just dwell on the principle in the Bible, and take another look at the past 10 parts, you can learn more for yourself than I can write down in a few days. So let's grow in love together, and grow in our knowledge of God's love as well.


Refining the faith,
-C.A.M. 

Love is... Part 10

Photo Credit: cute-pictures.blogspot

Love is... Always protecting, trusting, hoping, and preserving. 




So, we recently got through Valentines Day, the day that people either think is wonderful or horrible. I don't really agree with the way love is put forward for this, where men are required to give expensive gifts to women to prove that they care for them. Yet, it is a great time to reflect on the true nature of pure love. I focused on dwelling on God's love, it's eternal, unselfish, and unblemished. There's one more part of the Love series after this one, so let's make this a good one! 




Someone who "always protects, always trusts, always hopes, (and) always preserves" sounds like the ideal person! This is the love of God, this is the love that Christ showed us, and this is the love that the Holy Spirit empowers us to be able to show to others. "Agape" is the love in which the one giving it has no conditions and no expectations from loving the other person. This is the word used in Greek when describing God's love. It is pure, not sexual or romantic, and is simply caring for someone, no matter what they do or don't do. This is the love you show to your Enemies, and everyone else, not expecting them to love you back but loving them anyways. It's because of God's Agape that we are able to love Him.
"We love, because He first loved us." (1 John 4:19)


Let's try to just go through each part of this section, one by one. 




"Always Protects" 


To "Always protect" reminds me of a service man or a knight. The Police, EMTs, and Fire Men are there to protect the general public. They put others lives before their own and work hard to keep us safe and alive. They stand by, waiting for us to call on them. They are pretty much the closest thing we have to a superhero, but instead of a "Bat Signal" we call 911. I realize that they are not perfect, we all make mistakes, but they are people who live the life of "Always protect". 
The other thing I think of is a Knight, like the ones from our Childhood books. They fought monsters, fire breathing dragons, and rescued the town and the princess. In the books for the older audience they will probably die fighting. While the people mourn and honor them, they do not care that they died if it was to save another, and the only regret is that they are no longer alive to protect them. Knights of our dream land are "chivalrous", and little boys want to be like them!


At least, they used to. Being blunt here, but this is not a value that we are taught anymore. To open doors, ward off bad guys, and come to the rescue of women is not as important. Little boys like the guns and swords, but a lot of them think that the bad guy is cool! Most start watching MTV at a young age and want to be the "Player' when they grow up. These are the people who wound those around them, emotionally and physically. Men were created stronger to protect women, yet this is being lost. Now, women can also be noble and protect! They protect family and friends. I think that getting the value of protecting others at any cost needs to come back into the trends. 


"Regular" people don't die in battle and fight fires to protect, and this applies to those who do as well. We protect the feelings of others, their emotions. To love and protect people can be interfering when someone is being bullied. When you see someone being hurt, or who is potentially going to get hurt, you jump in and help them and protect them. In "modern times" we are able to do this more than we know. So, let's take a stand and protect those around us. 




"Always Trusts"


This one sounds very difficult to me, and probably to most people. To always trust? God, don't you know how much I have been hurt? How can I possibly trust people? To trust a person is extremely difficult for those of us who has been "burned" in the past. Example? One of the first times I did a "trust fall" they thought it would be funny to drop me on purpose...Onto the hard, rocky ground. I don't like trust falls anymore. But I had to do one recently with my roommates, and although it was hard it taught me a lesson. 


They caught me. Despite what happen years ago, they still caught me. Because we loved each other, and we did not want to see one another fall. To really love a person you need to trust them. Being suspicious, judgmental, or just thinking that they will let you down and have some sort of fault, drives a wedge in any relationship. It's a delicate balance, I think, because you both need to trust people, but do not rely on them to be perfect for you. Knowing a person has faults, and also not distrusting them for those faults. You love through mistakes and know we all make them, but still trust them. 


I know this may all sound confusing, but it's hard to put feelings into words. You also need to be a trustworthy person yourself, someone who is not back-stabbing, or sneaky, or that hides things from people. Trust and be trustable. 




"Always Hopes"


To always hope, in my opinion, is to see the light in every situation. It''s the opposite of despair. You are hopeful for the future, you have hope that things will get better in the most dire of times, and you hope the best for others as well. Love is about showing it to others, but it is also something internal. You always trust people and you always have hope. To be a hopeful, uplifting person draws people to you. Being an optimist makes people around you positive as well. 


When a person is in despair and you can give them hope, that is showing love to them. You make them see that things will get better, you tell them you are praying for them and hope for the best, and you want things to go in their best interests. And, to have hope, you trust God and love Him and believe in the love He has for you. 




"Always Preserves"


We preserve rain forests, trees, animal life, and human lives. We protect them so that we can preserve them. It's keeping something safe so that it is able to grow. Like a nursery for plants, or children for that matter! It is a safe place where they can mature. We should be a safe place that people can go to when they need to heal and can stay when they are tender and growing. This is more of a Maternal or Paternal instinct, when your parents want to keep you safe for your own good so that you can become a responsible and stable adult. 


God, as our Father, shows this aspect, as well as all of them of course. He wants to nurture us and help us grow. We should be this way towards others. Protecting them from harm, and helping them grow. It's shows love and value for a person when you care for their well being and development. 




I think that these are very important for love, and we all have our own definition for the words. This is my opinion on what these mean, and I hope that it can get your mind going on what you think of these. Just remember that God has all of these traits, in their perfect, pure forms, and so does Christ and the Holy Spirit. And every time that The Bible says to love another person, it means all of these things. Love is a deep feeling, and I am excited to be able to wrap this up with next times final word on Love.


For now, let's dwell on these and continue to grow in Agape.  


Refining the Faith, 
-C.A.M.

Love is... Part 9

Photo Credit: "love is all"

Love is... Just (Does not delight in Evil, but rejoices with the Truth) 

You are in Ancient Rome. You can hear the cheering of the crowds in the Coliseum, you know that there must be something going on. It could be a fight between Gladiators, or it could be Christians being fed to the lions. People are cheering, not unlike the cheering at the Super Bowl, and are thrilled with the excitement that this "sport" brings. They watch people being slaughtered and within the first month of operation of this new arena the sand is stained red, thick and wet with blood. This is the price of entertainment. 

The time after Christ's resurrection was dark. People who claimed to be Christians were killed daily, hourly. Many were killed for "sport". Thrown in the Coliseum, while people cheered for their deaths. Children would watch their parents die before them, or a parent would watch their child be devoured before them. They were beaten, tortured, eaten, and killed. They were even doused with oil and lit to be human torches for dinner parties. 

Why should I go into these gruesome facts? This is our heritage, as Christians. 

People who were Evil and Corrupt needed better and better entertainment. They were not satisfied until they could see death all around them. It was fun, since it was not them. Watching people battle to the death was normal. It was also Evil, and they delighted in it. Corrupt people enjoy watching people fight and die, they enjoyed rape and prostitution, they enjoy drunkenness and lust. If you take every Sin against God, they enjoyed it. In Sodom and Gomorrah men surrounded the house of Lot, they demanded that the men (Messengers of The Lord) be brought out to them to satisfy their carnal lust. In the entire town the only righteous people we know of is the family of Lot. The others were Evil. 

When it comes down to what "Love" is, it is a choice and not an emotion. God is Love, and true love is aspects of God. Lot showed love by not protecting himself and sending out the men to be raped, he denied them and offered anything he could in return, in the end the Messengers pulled Lot into his home, and shut the door, preventing any harm to come to His family. (Genesis 19:1-29)

This may seem like a stretch but I want to make a point with this. Lot and his family lived in that town with all of the Evil people. At any time they could have joined in and also delighted in the things they did, but they did not because they were righteous. 

To love is to follow God's commandments. (2 John 1:6)

Things that are not of God are to repulse us, that is our Spirit. Our Flesh desires these things and will try to win and swat us, which if why Paul wrote, "I die daily". (1 Corinthians 15:31)
We are to reflect Christ, who never delighted in what was evil. 


To be "Just"is to "behave according to what is morally right or fair" (Google Dictionary Definition)
Christians and Jews find what is "right" or "moral" from the Bible, from the Word of God. Our standards are to be His standards. So lying, deceit, lust, murder, hate, adultery, fornication, false worship, etc. are things that are Evil and that we should not enjoy. Things to rejoice in would be like, salvation, love, truth, justice, peace, joy, purity, charity, and kindness. Things that the Lord loves to see, we should also love to see. 


To love is to never rejoice in the mistreatment of others. We should not laugh when people are bullied or hurt by others, or by ourselves. If it is in "real life" or on a show, we should never take pleasure in the hurt of others. Having a strong sense of justice is essential if you with the be Christ-like. This is one small part of this aspect of love, to hate mistreatment of others. 


Here is the other part, that may sting a bit more to say. 


"Loving" violent video games and movies... We should NEVER enjoy films like "Saw" or "Final Destination"! EVER! Because watching the torture of people, "fake" or "real", makes us no better than the people watching children being eaten by lions and cheering! Death is not a fun thing, murder is not funny, and torture is not something to be laughed at while you munch on popcorn. You may not be "physically" doing these things, but killing people for fun is not a good thing to do! 


I leave it up to your own conviction of what is the "limit" for Video Games and Movies. I pray we all listen to our conscience in this matter. 


Another thing that is Evil that many Christians "struggle" with is Pornography. The addiction and love of this entertainment is an Evil and False thing that we should despise and stay away from. Most people are exposed at a young age from curiosity, and many Christian artists have said that Porn was something they had to overcome. Is was a thing that they substituted for real, pure love... It is false, it is a lie, and it is evil. But it is also something you can overcome! There are many sources and churches today to help Christians overcome this because it is a growing problem every day, and I am in full support of them. The first step is swallowing pride and getting help, just as an addiction to drugs or alcohol. 


Cutting off the ties of Evil and Corrupted things is a difficult and painful process and can only be done with the help and Grace of God, and by Dying to our flesh daily. To be able to be a true representation of Love we need to cut off evil in our lives, and never approve of it when it is around us. Once you are no longer numb to it, you spot it more easily and stay far away from it. 


To Love is to rejoice in the things the Lord does, and to hate the things He does. Having high standards draws others with high standards towards you, and even people with low standards. They want to know what makes you different and why you do not like the things that "The World" does. You are showing love to them by not tolerating wrong behavior towards them and others, and towards yourself. And you are showing love by not allowing those things to be around you nor in your life.


I hope this made sense, and helped you realize a few things in your life. It did for me. 


Refining the Faith,
-C.A.M.

Love is... Part 8

Photo Credit: "TopYaps"

Love is... Forgiving (Does not keep record of wrong). 

We all have memory, it is an amazing function of the brain that we have been given. We can remember the things that we learn, the lyrics to songs, the names and faces of people, and many other things. The issue with memory is the bad memories. We can remember the pain of betrayal, the exact words said by a person who hurt you, we can essentially remember every "wrong" that has been done to us. 

People say, "forgive and forget" a lot these days. I think that this is false in one way, and true in the other. 

The false part: You really can not just "forget" something happened to you. The memory will be there, and the more hurtful it is the better you will remember it.

The true part: You can put the grudge out of your mind forever. While you can not loose the memory of what happened, yo can forget the anger and leave that behind. Essentially, "Forgive them for what they do, and forget about the anger you have and go on with life." 

To "Not keep record of wrongs" is to forgive the wrongs. Let's put in in these terms. 

Someone has committed various crimes against you. There is a long list of what they have done. When you forgive a person it is like you are "Not pressing charges" and essentially taking the crime off of the list. They still did it, and you still know and remember that they did, but the record of it has been cleared. (Yes, I know, I am not an expert in law.)

I have learned so much about forgiveness recently and I believe it has saved me in many ways. Something my Dad has told me a lot is that "Bitterness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."This is more true than you know. 

When you hold bitterness and unforgiveness towards a person you hurt yourself more then you will ever hurt them. Whatever they did to you is being amplified and continued as you choose not to forgive them. Are they suffering from it? The answer is either "No" or "They lost your friendship and that hurt them". I will tell you now, I believe that eight out of ten times the answer is simply "no". 

(Ephesians 4:31)

Unforgiveness gives a foothold for the Enemy in our lives. I know I have probably said this many times, but that is because it is true! You are letting your spirit be blocked, your relationship with God to be dampened, and you are being played like a fiddle by Satan to hurt other people and yourself! "Do not let the sun go down on your anger", should be a familiar verse to you by now. Forgiveness is weed killer to bitterness growing in out hearts. 

Most likely you will have to forgive multiple times. When Jesus said, "Seventy times Seven", he meant it. This does not mean keep a list of "490", and write down each time you forgave that person, and once they hit "491" you no longer need to forgive them. Keeping track of how many times you forgave them is pretty much "Keeping record of wrongs". Whenever you think of what hurt or angered you, you forgive them again. Over and over, for the rest of your life! (Matthew 18:22)

We are to forgive just as God forgave us (Matthew 6:12-15)! If you think a persons "Wrong doing towards me" record is long towards you, think about how long your list would be to God. But since he is Love, he is willing to forget them all. Repeated offenses do not matter, he forgives over and over. Because to love a person is to forget about the times they hurt you, and move on. 

I have many people that I forgive daily. I am not trying to make this a "sad story contest", but I want to testify about this. I have been hurt deeply by many people, and I am reminded of this many times. I forgave them once, but that was not "it". I said to God, "I forgive them", and I was angry again later. I did forgive them that time, but I needed to forgive them again. When you are continually forgiving people it becomes a habit, and a great one at that! Once you are forgiving people you notice bitterness quicker and are able to maintain good fruit and root out evil before it grows harder to pull out. 

Something else I learned is that old things can come up when God wants you to deal with it. I was laying in bed during a Fasting Weekend, hoping for God to tell me my "Five Year Plan" for life. Instead, I got a list of people I needed to forgive, or forgive again, since Kindergarden! This was necessary because it was causing a blockage in my spiritual life and I could not move on until I cleared them out. Before we stop marking down wrong doings we need to go over past lists and erase them. 

It is painful to go over past things that need to be forgiven, and we need Grace to be able to do this. The point is that people feel very loved when they realize that you are not embittered towards them for something they did. This can also cause the guilt in their life to disappear and you are helping not only yourself, but others. 

The power of forgiving your friends and enemies is a wonderful quality. It is a way to draw people to Christ so that they can tell who you are "By your love". A great thing to do, that I am doing as well, is to just spend quiet time with God and simply ask Him to show you any unforgiveness in your heart. Then ask Him to help you forgive those things. It is a freeing thing to do and you can, at times, even physically feel burdens being lifted off of you. 

And always remember the parable of the King who forgave the debts of the man, and try to not be the man who would not forgive the small things. (Matthew 18:23-35) 

To love is to forgive, to not let yourself keep a list of all the things people have done to you, and to do it consistently to everyone. 

Refining the Faith, 

-C.A.M.

Love Is... Part 7

Love is... Not easily angered.

Anger is a natural human emotion. Even the girl from Enchanted got angry at one point! There are times that you will get angry in life, and anger is not necessarily a sin in itself. What you do with your anger can be a sin.

Anger is clearly a dangerous thing. There are several times where anger is mentioned in the Bible. The most known being,

"'Be angry and do not sin: do not let the sun go down on your anger, nor give place to the devil."

"Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you."

Ephesians 4:26-27, 31-32

Keeping anger, like a grudge, within you can cause so much damage to yourself and others. You should forgive before the day is over because the longer you hold on to your anger the longer it will wrap it's vines around you and infect you. Anger festers over time, like an untreated wound. Yes, that is a disgusting sounding metaphor, but that is just the way it is. Anger can lead to wrath and hate.

"Whoever hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him."

1 John 3:15

In God's eyes to hate someone is the same as murdering them, just as lust after a person is adultery. To hate a person you are first angry with them, you let the anger grow and fester inside of you, and then slowly you begin to hate them. This is a sin that we need to repent for.

Another dangerous thing about hate is that it gives place for the Devil to work in your life. That little seed grows under your "fertilizer" as it dwells and the Enemy also feeds it. You give them access to your heart and emotions and are being manipulated. The subtle thoughts that are put in your mind are more damaging over time than you think. Think of it like grains of rice. You add a grain each time with each thought, they seem so small. Over time you find that "all of a sudden" you have a gallon of rice stacked up. It is important to throw out each grain of rice as it comes in, before it can add up.

Anger, as previously said, is not sin. Jesus and God both have "righteous anger" and are angry. But remember that His anger lasts but a moment but His favor lasts a lifetime. (Psalm 30:5) A brief moment of anger seems to be okay, but it is something to be careful with. We all have emotions and we all get angered at times, it is what we do with it and if we can control it and forgive - "Be angry and do not sin".

It does not say "love is never angry", because God has been angry at times, and he is love, and he is perfect. It says "Love is not easily angered". This, I believe, goes hand in hand with patience. To have the patience, forgiveness, and love to not be angry with others easily.

Think about it, how often are we mad at people? We have short and quick cuss words and names for people who anger us, "Jerk, Stupid, Idiot." (I will not go into the cussing though.) We also make the noises, "ARRGH, UGH, AAAAHH, GRRR!" I know I make these noises. When you are driving, working, at school, shopping, walking, etc. these come to mind. Any time you interact with other people there is a chance you will get angry at them because out of our pride we think that they are being stupid because they are not doing things our way (AKA the "right way") or respecting us in the way we feel that we need to be treated. Admit it, you know this to be true.

Now imagine the life of Christ, pure love in the flesh. He was beaten, mocked, spit on, glared at, probably was shoved and pushed and people would repeatedly "wag their heads" at him. He was right and perfect and knew how people should act, in our standards he had every right to be angry at these people. Yet he was not easily angered, "Father forgive them, they know not what they do." (Luke 23:34) He did not spit back, mock back, shake his fist, cuss, or scream in aggravation like we do. He was angry for a brief moment when he saw The Lords house, his Fathers house, turned into a place of business and being used the wrong way. Even after he was angry those times he forgave and continued on.

Is that our attitude? Is that my attitude?

I am still working on not being easily angered, it is far harder than it sounds... I would call quick anger "annoyance", when you roll your eyes and internally (or vocally) are upset with a person for a small thing they do, and one by one the rice stacks up. If we wish to love all people, as Christ does, than we need to work on having patience with people. Repent and forgive each time you are angered, and slowly your spirit is built up and you can notice it more quickly over time. This is strengthening your sprit, you patience, your love, and you "Christ-likeness". This is strengthening what is mean to be a "Christian".

"By this they will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another."

(John 13:35)

To be like Christ (to be a disciple - to be just like your "Rabbi") is to love, and it should be noticeable. Not being angered easily is noticed in our culture, so try it out and we can draw them to Christ.

Refining the faith,

-C.A.M.

Photo Credit: Myself, http://pens4chopsticks.deviantart.com/gallery/#/d4lcl48

Love Is... Part 6

Love is... Not self seeking

So I am finding that 1 Corinthians love is all about laying yourself down and caring for others. All of the previous parts had something to do with it, so it seems that in case you did not catch all of what was written before or really got the meaning the writer decided to plainly say it, "Love does no seek it's own."

Our nature is self preservation, to seek for our own benefit. But the nature of the spirit is to care not for your self but for others. This is why we die to self, so that the spirit can prevail in our life. I admit that I am a selfish person, because we are all selfish. I try my best to not be prideful or selfish and I make mistakes all the time. And when I try to do it on my own, with my own strength, that is when I fail the most.

I see Jesus' whole life as an example to us. He showed us how to live, he showed us that through grace we can overcome sin even as a Man. Then he died, the ultimate act of love and sacrifice, and then rose from the dead through the Holy Spirit, which now dwells within us, and is interceding for us in Heaven! What He did was incredible, what he is still doing is incredible. So I know that I am able to overcome sin and temptation as well through the Trinity. I also know that you can as well.

I do not think that God would ever give a task that is impossible, because through Him all is possible. But with our own strength these things are impossible. So while is may seem that to be selfless and to not seek your own, in every circumstance, it is possible with the strength of The Lord. I write with the upmost faith that we can all, as the body of Christ, overcome this!

So how are we not self seeking? Our priorities are dead last, bottom of the food chain. What everyone else wants comes before us. Naturally we think that this is ridiculous, that would be human nature crying out. "How can I not care for myself? That is stupid, I have to put myself first sometimes!" While many people say this, that does not make it true. You put the charities, the poor, the widows, the wants and needs of everyones else, other peoples plans, and Gods priorities high above your own and when all of those are taken care of you will be taken care of. It seems miserable to be that person who just keeps giving, but is that not what Christ did? And are we not his followers? Disciples who want to be just like him in every way?

There was a story I heard once about "the foolish traveler" in Japan. This person gave all they had and were generous. So people started to use them, they would even lie to the person. They would tell them that they were sick and needed medicine and he would give them anything he could. Once he was out of money he started to give away his belongings and clothing. He ended up naked in the forest without anything. Then goblins came claiming that they were starving so he gave up his body to them to eat. All that he had left in the end was his head, with no eyes. Then the goblins, mocking him, said they had a present for him. It was a piece of paper with the word "Fool" written on it. Then he cried out of joy, "This is the first time anyone has given me anything!" And he died while saying thank you and crying...

Is that story very fictional and a bit morbid? Yes. Does it have a good point? Yes.

People read that and take away, "stupid person, don't give away what you have or you will die like that!"

I take it as "That is how I should live my life".

I am not going to give up my body for goblins to eat, but I will give what I have.

"If a man asks for your shirt give him your cloak as well." (Matt. 5:40)

To keep giving is what I want my life to be like, and it is so hard to give up what I have to others. I know I need to do it and I fight every time a person asks for somethings from me. Money, food, clothes, time, etc. We want things things that we consider "ours" to stay ours. But aren't all of these things Gods in the end?

He gave us life, out time on this Earth, our food, our clothes, our money and job, these are all blessings and gifts from God. He can take them away at will. So when he asks us, through the Holy Spirit, to give it to others why can we not give it? It is not really ours, it is Gods. We should be willing to give up what God has given us at any time, He gives and takes away.

The study of love is a convicting one. Once you think you are loving you realize that you really are not... Christmas is coming up and it is the greatest time to show love. We choose this time to celebrate Christ being given to us men, because God so loved us all. What better time to show His way of love to others? Be charitable, and do not stop after winter ends. Let us all work together to really reflect Christ. To be the Moon reflecting the Sun. That is what draws people to God. I know that I will probably mess up but I want to at least try, with His grace.

Refining the Faith,

-C.A.M.

Photo Credit: http://www.vine2victory.com/real-love/

Love Is... Part 5

It's difficult for me to even write this post, this has to be one of the most convicting parts of love to me.

Love is. . . Not dishonoring to others.

I think that pride has a part of dishonoring others. Like I said before, when you are prideful you put others down in order to make yourself look better because you are insecure. It harsh, I know, but the truth hurts (because of our pride).

I feel it makes perfect sense that if you are loving someone that you are not purposely dishonoring them. It sounds like an old fashioned word, so lets put it in "modern terms",

"Love does not 'diss' others, love is not sarcastic towards others, love does not laugh when others fail, love does not point out what is lame about other people, and love does not make people look stupid in front of others on purpose." I think putting it that way makes it sound more applicable to our lives today, for me it does.

To dishonor means to "bring shame or disgrace on a person."

. . . Yeah... I am not even sure what to say after that.

How often is it that we make a joke of others for our own fun? Today we even have television shows devoted to who can "burn" or "diss" the other person the best. If you did not know that I am being completely serious about that, it really exists. It seems like such a normal thing to us but it is not the right thing to do. I struggle so much with sarcasm, I try hard to suppress it, but it comes out all the time though! I hate it when it happens and I hate thinking back on times that I hurt others deeply, or saw others hurting that person and did nothing about it. Did you know that the word sarcasm comes from the late Greek word "Sark" meaning "to tear the flesh"? It is a picture of what the words do to people. "Stick and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" is a complete lie. Words hurt people in far deeper ways than you know. Negative words have been studied by many people. (I suggest the work on water crystals that was done, it is pretty shocking to see)

We all seem to find sarcastic comments hilarious, I include myself in this, but when you are away from it for a while you do not find it nearly as funny as before. I was in an internship and the people I spent most of my time with were told to not be sarcastic anymore. When I did hear a comment like that it shocked me more than it made me laugh. I think that we are trained that it is funny from a young age, but we can also train ourselves to not like it anymore. It is a long process filled with prayer to get to a point where you recognize that it is not right, it is possible though.

So to love people we do not dishonor them. When a person "fails" at something we move on and do not point it out, laugh at it, or anything. If we are being loving, in the 1 Corinthians way, we encourage them instead and discourage those who are making fun. To them you may seem like a kill-joy, but to the person you are defending you are loving.

I do not think I can ever picture Jesus dishonoring another person... When they took sinners before Jesus he did not join in the mockery of them, he defended them. He is the essence of love and we are to reflect him, so we should be doing the same. Would people have hated Jesus if he helped stone the adulterous woman? Probably not, they would have seen nothing wrong with it. Consider the lepers as the "uncool", the deformed, and the disabled in todays society. Rejecting them would be easy and normal, but normal is not the standard that we live by! Healing them, touching them, talking to them, loving them, that is what Jesus did. That is what early Christians did. So why are we not doing the same?

Learning to shut our mouth has to be one of the first parts of learning to love. A wise man holds his tongue. I am trying to add a "Holy Spirit Filter" to my mouth these days. "Would Jesus say that?...No? Okay, time to be quiet," and, "Would Jesus say that? Yes... I suppose I should say it." You can also go by Bambi rules, "if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all." So simple, and so difficult.

I probably do not need to write much more about this. How to apply this to daily life is pretty evident. Try to not point out the flaws of others, the mistakes of others, or make fun of others, even if it is "just a joke" or you are "just kidding". Build others up, even if your image goes down. This is what love is all about.

-Refining the Faith,

C.A.M.

Photo Credit: http://www.nosexandthesuburbs.com/tag/love/

Love Is... Part 4

It seems like as I go through aspects of love I see things are all connected to each other in some way. The more of them I look at the more I see that you need one to have the other...

Love is. . . Not prideful and does not boast

Pride: a high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc. a becoming or dignified sense of what is due to oneself or one's position or character; self-respect; self-esteem. Pleasure or satisfaction taken in something done by or belonging to oneself or believed to reflect credit upon oneself.

Boast: Talk with excessive pride and self-satisfaction about one's achievements, possessions, or abilities.

I feel like in our society pride is looked at as a character quality and not something to be avoided. In these standards pride is a wonderful thing to have and we should all be at least a little prideful about us, but is that just mixing pride with true humility? The wisdom of this World is slowly being mixed in with our faith and we do not realize this until it is too late.

"You should have a little pride, it's good for you!"

"You need to be selfish every now and then!"

"If you give somebody something you should expect something back, they owe you one!"

"You cannot just devote your whole life to God, you need some 'me time' in there as well!"

Do any of these sound familiar? I find it sad that most of these sentences come from the people closest to us, the ones we trust to advise us. I remember myself even telling people these things a while back, and I deeply regret it now...

So as a God fearing, Christ followers, and people who listen to the Holy Spirit, what should our view be on these things?

Pride:

"His pride led to his downfall. He was unfaithful to the LORD his God." 2 Chronicles 26:16

"In his pride the wicked does not seek him; in all his thoughts there is no room for God." Psalm 10:4

"When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom." Proverbs 11:2

"Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice." Proverbs 13:10

"Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall." Proverbs 16:18

"Your heart will become proud and you will forget the LORD your God." Deuteronomy 8:14

"Before his downfall a man’s heart is pride, but humility comes before honor." Proverbs 18:12

Well... Those are just a few verses that show what our view on pride should be. We should have a clear view on how God sees pride, yet we still let a the lies of the world sneak their way in.

Since I mentioned the others I will list a few verses on them as well

Selfishness:

"Turn my heart toward your statutes and not toward selfish gain."Psalm 119:35-37

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves." Philippians 2:2-4

"For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice." James 3:15-17

Give to get something in return:

“If you lend money to one of my people among you who is needy, do not treat it like a business deal; charge no interest." Exodus 22:24-26

"Rather, be openhanded and freely lend them whatever they need." Deuteronomy 15:7-9

"And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back." Luke 6:34-35

Partial devotion:

“No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money." Matthew 6:23-25

"So if you faithfully obey the commands I am giving you today—to love the LORD yourGod and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul— Deuteronomy 11:13

So now that the bunny trail is over, back to the subject of love.

Pride is not to be tolerated. I consider prude to be the exaggeration of your own skills and talents to puff yourself up so that, because of your low self-worth, you can feel better about yourself. Pride is the opposite of self-esteem, it is insecurity in disguise. It is the act of elevating yourself higher, and pushing all others lower so that you feel like you are an okay person. Does that sound like Jesus? Does that sound like love? Making others look bad so you look better and trying to make them hate themselves so you look like you like who you are...

A lot of loving others is working on yourself, how can you love others like yourself if you are not even confident in who you are and hate yourself? This is where true humility comes into play. The definition of humility, true, biblical, christlike humility, is knowing exactly who you are. A big "Christian Joke" is the verse in Numbers 12:3

"Now Moses was a very humble man, more humble than anyone else on the face of the earth."

This verse is true humility, not the false one we think of. When we think humble we think of the person who says "Oh, I'm nothing special..." the person who will not take credit for anything. This verse is saying the Moses knew exactly who he was, especially when compared to God. I think that if you spent time speaking face to face with God you would also have a good picture of who you were.

It comes when we realize that we are all sinners, we are all loved equally by God, that we are valued and royal children, but also that apart from God we can do nothing. It is not over or under exaggerating our position in life. Willingness to serve in the lowest position, but being able to be confident in a higher position. If you want to see humility played out read the red print in the Gospels, watch humility in the flesh.

The more time spend with Christ, the more we know who we are and become humble. Another thing is that when people tell me I am being prideful I will usually say something like, "You don't even know the half of it! But I am working and praying to rid myself of it!" I think that we need to realize we have pride, and sin, to get rid of it. The moment you think you are fine, that is when you are in trouble.

Pride is the soil that all sin grows in, pride is in part why Satan in no longer an Angel in Heaven, pride is partly why we fell in the garden, the list goes on and on...

So does it make sense that we need to rid ourself of pride and boasting in order to love others properly? Of course it does!

How do we show humility towards others? We build them up, not ourselves. Do not feel the need to put others below you. You can still have confidence in yourself without talking about it all the time, the quiet confidence-meekness. (We boast alone in our God.) To not be prideful we conduct ourselves in the right way and listen more than we speak, and to build up others rather than tearing them down. As we are less prideful we start to see how other gravitate more towards us, because they feel loved. When you are not prideful you find it a bit easier to love others and see them for who they really are, precious treasures of the Lord.

This is love.... At least a small part of it.

Refining the faith,

C.A.M.

Photo Credit: http://favim.com/image/162420/