Are Fat Shaming and Critical Christianity Similar?

It's been a long time since I've written on this blog. But I had a thought and I wanted to put it to paper, so to speak.

There have been many articles about "Fat Shaming" lately, and loving your body. Recently I've been going through quite a struggle when it comes to Church and certain aspects of Christianity. I believe in the Bible, I identify with Christ, the whole sha-bang. But the church as I see it is different to me now. Not all, certainly, but a pattern that I noticed. And what I noticed is that fat shaming and negativity in the church are very similar.


People defend themselves saying that they aren't shaming the person, they are concerned with their health. And maybe you are, but let's just make something clear that if you are telling a person they should be ashamed of themselves, are making fun of them, or making a person feel bad about who they are you are not "concerned for their health". Maybe you want them to live longer, be healthy, etc. But being healthy and fitting in with other peoples and the medias expectation of what "healthy" looks like are different. I am not a size 6 or under. I do, however, exercise for an hour a day, eat mostly raw fruits and vegetables, and take the stairs instead of the elevator whenever I can. I'm hygienic, I am in perfect health when I go in for checkups, and I am not considered "healthy" because I am not thin enough, to some people at least. Judging based on the outer appearance of a person without knowing what they are going through is wrong, period.

Let's shift to Christianity. When you tell a person that you are concerned for their spiritual health and are genuine, that's one thing. Telling a person that they are awful, sinful, will die and burn, and need to shape up and be more like you is different. Only God knows a persons heart (1 Samuel 16:7) and only that person understands what they are going through (1 Cor. 2:11).

Please don't disguise judgement as concern. 
If someone thinks I have an unhealthy eating and exercise lifestyle, they might recommend something to me as a concerned friend. It's my choice to accept it or not. If a person forces me to go on a diet, like some parents force their children to "to make them healthier", that's not really right in my opinion. I'm fine with suggestions and telling me maybe I should do this or that, as advice. But if a person insists I do it and tells me I'm terrible if I don't, it's hurtful.

Sometimes people are very aggressive about giving bibles and sermons out. I think it's right to offer to people, I think it's good. But forcing things on a person and ignoring their free will doesn't tend to lead down the right roads. (John 6:44) You can offer, you can be open for them at any time, but you cannot force someone to believe in something.

Don't pressure someone to do what you want in your timing to make you feel better. 

I've heard a lot of stories of people who post photos during their weight loss journey and are mocked cause it isn't fast enough. I know people who hate going to a gym cause people tease them when they go there. They say that they should exercise and be healthy, then mock those people when they try to change. Essentially it's a culture that you have to be fit to go to a gym, which makes no sense.

When a person goes to church and are not the "clean cut" looking people you want to see in the building... that's just.... ugh...
You want to be welcoming and say that anyone is welcome, that God loves you as you are and we are called to be the reflection of that love. Christ didn't come for the perfect, he didn't come to make a club or goodie-goodies that make fun of the "bad influences". He came because of love and for those who needed Him. (Romans 5:8, 1 John 4:10, 1 John 4:19, etc.) Judging a broken person in a church is like judging an overweight person at the gym. And also, they may not even be "overweight", maybe they look that way by your standards. Some people don't like tattooed and pierced people in their sanctuaries (the irony considering the meaning of "sanctuary") yet a lot of the people I know who dedicated their life to freeing sex slaves in Thailand and preaching have tattoos, piercings, and don't dress in the "proper way".

Don't tell someone to "fix" a problem and then mock them when they try. 

When a person who is considered overweight "messes up their diet" it's a big deal. When a thin person eats an unhealthy thing "they earned it, so it's okay". This is really unfair to judge a person based on their visible track record. Judging people differently when they eat the same food because of their appearance is not cool. Maybe I shouldn't have cause you know I'm on a diet, but me breaking my diet should not be twice as bad as a thin person breaking theirs.


Similarly, when a person who is "lost and struggling" may make a mistake it can be made a far bigger deal. A "you keep messing up" type of feeling is conveyed. Love keeps no records of wrongs, meaning that you don't keep track of what a person did last week to compare with today. (Isaiah 43:25, Heb. 8:12) We shouldn't be making a list of who messes up more, and who we should be more lenient on when they make a mistake. We are humans, we mess up, none of us are perfect. So when a new christian does something that hurts them and you get so upset and judge them, yet if a person you consider super holy does the same thing and you think "it's okay, it's just one small mistake" that's an issue to me. God is fair, and we should be too.


Don't set standard levels for people based on appearance. 




In both cases it's a journey. It isn't an instant transformation. I can't do one sit-up and eat a carrot and magically be thin. I also didn't say one prayer and my life became perfect and I never made any mistakes and all my past issues went away. Shame is never a good thing. Never. Shame is not of God either. It is not one of the aspects of love or fruits of the spirit. But not keeping records of wrong, not judging, being patient, being good, and love protects. (1 Cor. 13:4-7, Gal. 5:22-23)
In both cases, we should be protecting people. From what? From judgement from others, from pain and hurt and neglect and abuse. From being an outcast and feeling unwanted, ugly, or uncared for. Personal trainers should not tell a person they are doing bad when they are trying, they encourage them to keep trying and tell them how proud they are, they coach them and cheer them on. Christians should be the same way. We should be open to anyone coming into our lives and into churches. There should be no screening of appropriateness, if we should allow them to be around us, if they perfected themselves alone enough first.

What would the point of churches (or gyms) be if you had to do it all on your own until you felt perfect enough to come?
With no help, no support, not until you fit in. If I sound upset it's because I am. It's because I've met people who have been deeply wounded by the church, and I have too in the past. And I've seen people who suffer from self-loathing from their body, as I do.

I see the similarities of the self loathing I have when I sin, when I slip up, and when I eat a cupcake. I look around to see who caught me. I tell myself "don't you do that again!". I say that I made a mistake and I go into this spiral of self-hate because of something that, in retrospect, isn't a huge deal. I beat myself up when I tell a lie like I beat myself up when I skip "arm day".  Because it's the same dread.

Acceptance. 

I dread that if I'm overweight I won't be accepted by others as an equal. I dread being judged by those around me, and people I don't know, when I go about my daily life. I don't want someone to see my eating a cupcake 'cause I don't want to see the look on their face when I eat it. The "you didn't earn that, you can't do that, I'm better than you, I caught you being bad" face. I don't like to eat in public for this reason, and in fact I force myself to. I still have a hard time eating anything sweet or fried in public because I am so scared of judgement. I know I should love myself, I know that I am wonderfully made, I know that really I am beautiful (SoS 4:7, Psalm 139:14) I am made in the image of God, and I am "good". But I want so much for everyone else to think that about me too.

Now imagine feeling this way not only about your body, but who you are. You slip up, you get jealous or have a fit of rage. "Did anyone see me? Will they still be friends with me? I didn't go to church in a while, am I still welcome? Will they judge me and ask why I haven't come? Did I do something wrong? I should fix myself before going back. I need to seem on track with everyone else." It's like telling yourself you cannot join that Pilates class again until you do enough at home to be on the same page, when they point of it is to grow together.

Now, I understand that a lot of this is internal too. It's shaming and a struggle between yourself and that voice that says you aren't good enough. But what I'm saying is that it shouldn't be fueled by others. You have enough damage and judgement from yourself to fight, so do you need it from others too? Or should others support and help you, and tell you that you are wonderful not only when you're finished the journey but every step of the way as well. (1 Peter 4:8)

This is the final comparison I want to make.

Some people say that telling an "overweight" person to love themselves and that they are beautiful/handsome is bad because it promotes bad behavior and an unhealthy lifestyle. "We don't want our kids to look up to fat people, then they'll be fat too." (This is wrong in soooo many ways that I don't want to go into at the moment)

Ensuring a person that they are valuable isn't encouraging bad behavior. 
Listen. Telling someone that they are great and valuable and intelligent and worth listening to and that they can love them self isn't encouraging them to get worse, it's cheering them on to keep going. Loving a person helps them grow. If they are happy with who they are, why take that away? I'm sure they know they can improve in areas without being harassed.

In the same way, telling a person who is not a christian and who still has a lot of healing to do and spiritual development to continue that they are loved and they should value who they are isn't "encouraging sin". (Prov. 19:8) Saying, "you can do that all you want, nothing bad will happen" that is encouraging it. Saying "you are loved and valued no matter what", is being a loving person.

God loves us on our journey, and so we should love each other on it too. (John 13:34-35, Eph. 4:1-2)

We crave acceptance and expect judgement from others. It's harmful and we should not help grow these feelings in others.

So let me just say this, stop shaming people who don't look how you think they should, and please stop shaming 'sinners' because they do not act how you want. Let people into places when they want to change and be loving and helpful. Don't expect them to look exactly like you and act like you, because we are all unique.
And above all else, love people no matter who they are or what part of their journey they are on. (Matt. 22:36-40)

"The greatest of these is love" - 1 Corinthians 13:13 


-CAM

(I hope you could read this with an open mind. I'm not just pointing a finger saying everyone is bad, but I did notice a popular pattern. I'm also working on these things myself, so I write this not only for others but for me. I tend to be critical of myself and at times I wonder if it's because of the harsh churches that I attended growing up.)

Love is... Part 9

Photo Credit: "love is all"

Love is... Just (Does not delight in Evil, but rejoices with the Truth) 

You are in Ancient Rome. You can hear the cheering of the crowds in the Coliseum, you know that there must be something going on. It could be a fight between Gladiators, or it could be Christians being fed to the lions. People are cheering, not unlike the cheering at the Super Bowl, and are thrilled with the excitement that this "sport" brings. They watch people being slaughtered and within the first month of operation of this new arena the sand is stained red, thick and wet with blood. This is the price of entertainment. 

The time after Christ's resurrection was dark. People who claimed to be Christians were killed daily, hourly. Many were killed for "sport". Thrown in the Coliseum, while people cheered for their deaths. Children would watch their parents die before them, or a parent would watch their child be devoured before them. They were beaten, tortured, eaten, and killed. They were even doused with oil and lit to be human torches for dinner parties. 

Why should I go into these gruesome facts? This is our heritage, as Christians. 

People who were Evil and Corrupt needed better and better entertainment. They were not satisfied until they could see death all around them. It was fun, since it was not them. Watching people battle to the death was normal. It was also Evil, and they delighted in it. Corrupt people enjoy watching people fight and die, they enjoyed rape and prostitution, they enjoy drunkenness and lust. If you take every Sin against God, they enjoyed it. In Sodom and Gomorrah men surrounded the house of Lot, they demanded that the men (Messengers of The Lord) be brought out to them to satisfy their carnal lust. In the entire town the only righteous people we know of is the family of Lot. The others were Evil. 

When it comes down to what "Love" is, it is a choice and not an emotion. God is Love, and true love is aspects of God. Lot showed love by not protecting himself and sending out the men to be raped, he denied them and offered anything he could in return, in the end the Messengers pulled Lot into his home, and shut the door, preventing any harm to come to His family. (Genesis 19:1-29)

This may seem like a stretch but I want to make a point with this. Lot and his family lived in that town with all of the Evil people. At any time they could have joined in and also delighted in the things they did, but they did not because they were righteous. 

To love is to follow God's commandments. (2 John 1:6)

Things that are not of God are to repulse us, that is our Spirit. Our Flesh desires these things and will try to win and swat us, which if why Paul wrote, "I die daily". (1 Corinthians 15:31)
We are to reflect Christ, who never delighted in what was evil. 


To be "Just"is to "behave according to what is morally right or fair" (Google Dictionary Definition)
Christians and Jews find what is "right" or "moral" from the Bible, from the Word of God. Our standards are to be His standards. So lying, deceit, lust, murder, hate, adultery, fornication, false worship, etc. are things that are Evil and that we should not enjoy. Things to rejoice in would be like, salvation, love, truth, justice, peace, joy, purity, charity, and kindness. Things that the Lord loves to see, we should also love to see. 


To love is to never rejoice in the mistreatment of others. We should not laugh when people are bullied or hurt by others, or by ourselves. If it is in "real life" or on a show, we should never take pleasure in the hurt of others. Having a strong sense of justice is essential if you with the be Christ-like. This is one small part of this aspect of love, to hate mistreatment of others. 


Here is the other part, that may sting a bit more to say. 


"Loving" violent video games and movies... We should NEVER enjoy films like "Saw" or "Final Destination"! EVER! Because watching the torture of people, "fake" or "real", makes us no better than the people watching children being eaten by lions and cheering! Death is not a fun thing, murder is not funny, and torture is not something to be laughed at while you munch on popcorn. You may not be "physically" doing these things, but killing people for fun is not a good thing to do! 


I leave it up to your own conviction of what is the "limit" for Video Games and Movies. I pray we all listen to our conscience in this matter. 


Another thing that is Evil that many Christians "struggle" with is Pornography. The addiction and love of this entertainment is an Evil and False thing that we should despise and stay away from. Most people are exposed at a young age from curiosity, and many Christian artists have said that Porn was something they had to overcome. Is was a thing that they substituted for real, pure love... It is false, it is a lie, and it is evil. But it is also something you can overcome! There are many sources and churches today to help Christians overcome this because it is a growing problem every day, and I am in full support of them. The first step is swallowing pride and getting help, just as an addiction to drugs or alcohol. 


Cutting off the ties of Evil and Corrupted things is a difficult and painful process and can only be done with the help and Grace of God, and by Dying to our flesh daily. To be able to be a true representation of Love we need to cut off evil in our lives, and never approve of it when it is around us. Once you are no longer numb to it, you spot it more easily and stay far away from it. 


To Love is to rejoice in the things the Lord does, and to hate the things He does. Having high standards draws others with high standards towards you, and even people with low standards. They want to know what makes you different and why you do not like the things that "The World" does. You are showing love to them by not tolerating wrong behavior towards them and others, and towards yourself. And you are showing love by not allowing those things to be around you nor in your life.


I hope this made sense, and helped you realize a few things in your life. It did for me. 


Refining the Faith,
-C.A.M.

More Than A Catchy Christian Phrase

Chances are that if you are a "Mainstream Christian" (the one who listens to that latest Dove Award winning songs on the radio while sporting the newest and coolest Christian shirt) you have seen this logo somewhere, and probably even have it yourself. I feel like this phrase is use so often in "Christian Culture" and after a while it has "dulled out" and lost it's powerful meaning over the years.

John 17:14-18 (KJV)

(Jesus speaking) "I have given them Your Word; and the world has hated them because they are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. I do not pray that You should not take them out of the world, but you should keep them from the evil one. They are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. Sanctify them by Your truth. Your word is truth. As You sent me into the world, I also have sent them into the world."

Can we admit that most of us don't know that passage very well? Most people think this was said by Paul, but it was said by Christ first.

Is it wrong to wear Christian tees and listen to Christian radio and music? Not at all! I am so glad that we sport Christ in what we do and wear. And I like the cool look of the logo for "Not Of This World", I think a lot of us have wanted this in tattoo form at some point of our life, I know I have at least! The thing that I do have a problem with is losing the meaning of powerful verses and phrases. Take John 3:16 for example. We have is on everything these days. We learn to quote the verse when we are two. So when we hear someone talk about it we, weather conscience or un-conscience, think "Oh I have heard this before, I know it" and out brains will shut down and we tune out. "Yea yea, God so loves the world," is what is playing in our head.

The reason John 3:16 was so popular is because it is one of the most powerful verses in the entire Bible on our faith! There is so much more to it then Sunday School classes and T-shirts.

I feel the same way about "Not Of This World" now. Jesus says he is not of this world, and because we identify with him, his death and resurrection, we are now also not of this world.

I feel like the closer I am to God the further away I feel with other people. When I am close to God I feel "different" with other people around me. The place that I feel I belong is when I am in His presence, in worship, and in the company of other believers that are close to Him. I feel pretty disconnected a lot of the time though. In the end I don't really belong. I am not of the world and as I realize that in my heart I find that I really don't feel like I am a part of "this world" and worldly people. I find that the more time I spend with God the more I feel disconnected from the world, I feel uncomfortable with sin, and I feel awkward in conversations that are not godly. This may make me sound bland or like a very awkward person, but I don't really care much if that is what people think of me.

"I have given them Your Word; and the world has hated them because they are not of the world, just as I am not of the world."

One of my first ever posts said this but I am going to repeat it.

Why do we try so hard to fit in as Christians? Why do we want the world to accept us and like us so much? Why is it that we copy the world in our dress, (and put a cross on it) in our music (and replace "baby" and "my girl" with "God"), and in the way we treat others (feeling awkward approaching the poor and needy when you are having a good time) We make out church services like a concert, our schools like a regular one but with one very large Christian club, and our children not "too radical" so they can have "normal lives like everyone else". Who wants a normal life? Who wants complacently and popularity when we are offered eternal life and life more abundant?

The world hates true Christians. We are convicting, when we love and forgive we heap coals on people's heads, we don't hang out in places that are "cool", we don't dress immodestly to attract people, we won't have sex with our dates, we won't date a bunch of random people for attention, we conduct ourselves honorably before man and God, we worship instead of getting drunk with our free nights, we pray for people in the street, we give what we own to the poor, we place others before ourselves, we talk about after life all the time, we talk in mysterious phrases that confuse most people, we read an old and very long book and enjoy it, and we talk and ask favors from a person we cannot see but know is there.

Why does the world like you? Do worldly people think you are "so awesome"? Why? They should know us by our love, yet also be uncomfortable to be around us because of it. There are people who love Christians because there is something different about us, and that's great!

What I am saying is that to love the world is to hate God because you cannot serve two masters. Are we living like Christ? Are we living like we are just visiting this world and are picking up people to take with us to our true home? So many times I do not act this way, but there is still a part of me that feels like I don't really belong here. I don't really belong. I am a missionary and a disciple of my Rabbi and I am a daughter of the Most High God and I am going to get to live in my home after this short trip on Earth is finished. I am so excited for this!

Christians are the body of Christ and a community of Sojourners who are soon to go home together. We are all foreigners from the same country and we are brothers and sisters. If I was in Korea I would feel more comfortable with an American there because we understand each other better. It should be the same way for the body of Christ. We are sanctified by His truth now and born again, praise the Lord!

Do you feel different? Spend more time with your Daddy and let Him mold you into the person He created you to be. You will see your perspective slowly change on things because the more light that is in our life the more we see the darkness. We are circle pegs who will never fit into the square holes in the world, we go to the hole of what we are made for. We are made for the Kingdom of God and Eternity and the day we a re there is the day we will truly belong.

Keeping the Faith,

C.A.M.

I am my Daddy's little girl and I am not of this world!

Image Credit: Clothing from c28 Christian clothing company